I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?

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Hi guys. I’m hoping this post helps both me and any of you in the same situation. That’s why I’ve decided to add all these details.

I must have cold approached at least 1000 girls by this point. I’ve gotten into several relationships (shorter- and longer-term) and lots of lays (about 120) in the past with cold approaches, but I suspect much of it was attributed to my decent looks and youthful energy/charm. As I’ve reached 32 years old, however, I find things aren’t as consistent as they used to be, despite me being the most driven I’ve ever been, in the best shape of my life, and the most interesting, confident and best overall person I’ve ever been.

Some advice I got from the Good Looking Loser (website) a long time ago was:
Step 1. Look as good as you can
Step 2. Talk to girls
That’s basically what I’ve been doing my entire life and it really helped me simplify my approach to game. It kind of permitted me to NOT game, if that makes sense. I just talked like a normal person. It worked really well, till now. I’ve always been much more inclined to do “direct/normal/natural game” rather than “game game” (you know what I mean?). Example of a typical approach: “Hi. I saw you from across the room/street/venue and you look nice. I’m Max. Are you single?” I’ve done this so many times that even hard rejections are as emotionally tough to deal with as doing dishes. Fear of rejection = practically zero. In fact, I’m at the point now that some rejections are positively relieving, because at least then I won’t be walking around the rest of the day wondering if that girl was my soulmate or whatever.

About a month ago, after I realized how poorly I’ve been doing the past half year, I decided to make a tally of girls I’ve asked out. After every approach, I write down if the result was “no/not single” or “yes/gave number”. Then I have to wait for a few days or a week to see if the “yes” girls followed through with a date. The current tally so far is 40 girls asked out: 30 “no” and 10 “yes” but only 4 of the “yes” girls went on a date with me. This made me realize that my text game must be abysmal, and/or the initial interaction was off on my end. Maybe not enough rapport in the initial convo, I don’t know, I’ve always been bad with external game (or as most people call it, “game”).

I must mention that I’m aware 40 approaches in 1 month might be very low if you’re going with the “approach every girl you see” method, but I only approach girls I’m genuinely very attracted to and I’m pretty much done with approach anxiety, so I don’t need the practice anymore.

I must stress that in most of the interactions with girls who initially said yes to number/date, then later flaked/ghosted on me, they were VERY enthusiastic and attracted in person. I’m certain of this because of my experience and their obvious interest and flirting. No doubt about it whatsoever. Some of these girls were practically jumping with joy (it was mutual). Then something happens between that brief interaction and the text conversation that I can’t pinpoint. And here I am on reddit because I don’t want to repeat the exact same action/process over and over again my whole life expecting different results. I have to adapt and improve.

There’s a reason I wrote my notch number. 120 is a pretty big number to most guys, yes, I’m aware of that. But I’m starting to realize that I relied on my decent looks and optimistic/youthful energy my whole life without working on actual inner game or outer game as much. I’ve especially neglected outer game because most outer game seemed too robotic and inorganic but I’m finally open to begin practicing actual game so long as it doesn’t involve deceit or manipulation or any of that weird “look at my hand, now imagine it’s a cube, now imagine a horse OK NOW LOOK I HAVE A DICK!” kind of thing.

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My basic question is this. If overcoming approach anxiety is the first major step to achieve in seduction, then when one has overcome approach anxiety, what is the next direct step after that? Step TWO (of the never-ending learning process)? I want to view this as a linear path or progression, if you will.

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TL;DR: Used to be a motherfuckin pimp lol not really but my notch number is higher than the average guy despite not having much actual game skills or social aptitude (extremely clumsy and often lucky game).

I feel as though I’ve finally and completely overcome approach anxiety.

I’m having trouble closing dates from cold approaches lately despite being the best person I’ve ever been and getting very good initial attraction and phone text message engagement.

Regretting not practicing actual (outer) game many years ago.

Wondering what the next direct step is in this journey after overcoming approach anxiety.

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View Reddit by shithawk23View Source

have you ever just literally asked a girl “wanna fuck”, she said “sure” and it was that simple?

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see i’m in college and someone told me fuck game in college, just get to know girls and be yourself (because ur becoming an adult which is when u should be finding ur freedom anyway) and go out and drink and shit and it might seem that getting laid would be easier. of course looksmaxing yourself is key. i need advice particularly on the college shit and hopefully real life stories

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one time i like went to this bar and there was this cute girl and i said hey and she smiled and said hey and i was like whats your name and she said blah blah and i said my name and of course at the time i was a chicken shit so i bolted but she kinda giggled and said nice to meet u almost as if she would have liked it to go somewhere but she knew i was just scared

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help

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Help me shit where I sleep (roommate situation)

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So basically I’ve got this girl im living with who ive started to develop feelings for. Whenever I talk to her I try to gauge whether she’s interested or not. Seems like there might be something there, but I’m not sure how to create a conversation/situation where I can show that I’m interested rather than just talking like friends/roommates like we have been for the past few months. I’m hesitant to say anything that might indicate that I’m interested for fear of making things awkward if she doesnt reciprocate the same feelings, but I’m pretty confident she does. So my question is, what’s a good way I could go about finding out/confirming if shes interested?

more info: college aged, and im often home when she is but we usually just stay in our own rooms besides ocasionally watching TV or having a smoke

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Club/Bar Help

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Hey guys so I went out to a club tonight near my college and it was packed was absolutely packed. Could barely move let alone talk to a girl. Got there a little after 11pm. Should I get there a little earlier. Also because of the loud music how should I start flirting. Should I head immediately to the dance floor and ask her to dance? I complimented one girl on her dress and she was receptive and we started talking but then some guy pulled her violently away. Any advice fellas? I go to University of Maryland by the way. Planning on going out tomorrow maybe to a different bar.

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TIFU approaching a colleague, can I still recover?

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Tl:DR: Asked a much younger colleague out on a date, but fucked up the ask by not waiting for a response, have I come across as a douche and should I keep waiting for an answer? How do I behave in the interim?

Longtime lurker, could use the advice from some fellow bro’s.

So 5 months ago I started a new job in a restaurant as a waiter whilst I work on my management training for the same place, the owner also runs a bar across the road where the average age of staff is considerably lower (18 – 21, I’m 27 BTW).

Since day 1 I’ve been attracted to one of girls that worked there (she’s 19), but I’ve always believed her to be ‘too young’ for me.

I’m not wholly unattractive (I’ve been hitting the gym for a few years now) but growing up a fat kid means I have 0 self confidence when talking to women I find attractive, I’ve been in relationships in the past but I’ve never actually had to make a move since we were always friends first, so up until this point in my life I’ve never had to make an approach.

I used to be pretty bad with IOI but I think I read these pretty well:

1. In the first few weeks she found out through mutual friends that I’d mentioned I think she’s attractive, she brought this up to me when we bumped into each other on a night out but being pretty drunk I disregarded it.

2. Of all of the staff there she makes the most effort to engage and maintain in positive conversation regularly and never responded poorly to flirting (though not overly positively either :/)

Having been single for a while, more recently I’ve been of the ‘fuck it, don’t ask don’t get’ mentality, so Saturday night whilst in the bar after work, I had a few drinks, before I was set to leave a friend/colleague of hers mentioned she was running the bar for an event downstairs on her own, phrased like teasing but a good sign it was mentioned nonetheless, given that this is the first chance in 5 months that I’d ever seen her away from everyone else, fuck it, here’s my chance, so I made my way through a private event (I’m technically counted as staff in this place too) to talk to her behind the bar, there’s a bit of a queue so I stand around casually making chit chat, things aren’t going too badly, the queue shows no sign of slowing down so I bide my time until her manager makes a few appearances.

I didn’t want to stick around and get her in trouble (although I didn’t mention that) and I didn’t want to give myself time to bitch out so whilst she was pouring a few pints I went in:

“This queue doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere anytime soon does it?”

“Sure, there’s only 2 people left”

“There was 2 people 10 minutes ago… Listen, do you work many Sunday/Monday’s?” (Days when the restaurant is closed, my guaranteed time off)

“No, not really”

“Okay, here’s my number, next Sunday 17th, if you’re free, text me”

I had written my number down on a piece of paper and just slid it under some of her stuff on the bar behind her.

I fucked it up by not waiting for a response, I just grabbed my shit and walked out, I did glance back whilst leaving and she just looked wholly confused. A mutual friend did mention a couple of days before that she’s not really into guys but has been known to date a few she is attracted to.

This was two days ago… My concern is that given the age gap I may have come across as very arrogant which is not something that plays to my character/personality very well.

My question is that if it was poorly received, is there any way that I can bring it back? My intention is to apologise for being so callous and to reiterate my question but slower, whilst looking her in the eye and then just waiting to hear what she has to say.

I also know it’s going to be the hot office gossip so how do I react to questions from other colleagues? How do I behave with her in the interim?

And given that I’m already so much older, how do I retain the power dynamic, given that its so much easier for young, attractive women to turn down guys, especially much older ones?

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This helps you sleep and helps you go out at night! Have more energy Pickup more girls!

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This helps you sleep and helps you go out at night! Have more energy Pickup more girls!


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View Reddit by benjaminlifestyleView Source

Persistence or desperation?

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I have been talking to this girl for a while and have met once. Had a decent date and said we would like to see each other again. I have tried to arrange a second meetup twice now, but she has given excuses for both times. I’m not emotionally invested, just trying to have something casual so I don’t really care too much about dropping it, but she is my only option at the moment so…. should I keep trying or just cut it off?

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