I want to step-up my life


Hey guys,


I’m currently sitting alone in a cafe and studying. There’s a first or second date by my side and I can hear all the conversation. The guy is so smooth with the girl, communicating is emotion while listening to the girl and Its clear she’s feeling safe talking with her true emotions.

I want to be that guy.

I have something called social anxiety and honestly… I suck when it comes to girls. I have no problems with guys and I kicked that anxiety butt long ago except when it comes to girl.

Like I know i’m not ugly and I get good match ratio on tinder but when its time for conversation, Its a dead story already ( never met a girl on there and convos dies pretty early)

I want to be proactive and change my social skills with girls. Where do I start?

All advice is great and sorry for my grammar i’m not a native english speaker.


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PRACTICAL advice for men to be more attractive. Sorry if some of this is obvious.


Having been very self-conscious about being super unattractive when I was younger (brown kid in super white english town, super skinny, hit puberty super late), I’ve paid close attention to what makes people more attractive and put effort into becoming more attractive, and recently I feel like it’s worked.

Here’s a run down of practical advice (some of which I’ve followed myself) that I think can make you seem more attractive. I’m not advocating that you change your personality to suit what society sees as more attractive or anything, or that the only reason you should be kind is to get girls – it’s just that I’ve noticed these things are perceived as attractive. And I’m not saying being attractive and being in a relationship will make you happy. If you’re happy to change yourself a little to be more attractive, then I think you should follow the advice. It’s all about how much you’d rather stay true to who think you are. For me, I didn’t change anything that I valued about myself.

General Tip : Charisma on Command have amazing YouTube videos on applied psychology.


I think the main aspects of being attractive are being funny, confident and positive (more than looks).


**Number one tip : smile more.**


**How can you actually get funnier?**

– **Watch comedies** (recommended – B99, Parks and Rec, etc.) You’ll start to pick up the humour.

– **Follow popular meme pages**. You’ll start to pick up the humour.

– Pay attention to what people around you laugh at. Try and apply that kind of humour.

– If you have to, look up jokes online so that you can tell them randomly or if an appropriate situation arises.

– Experiment. If you’re not a funny person, you’re going to inevitably create some awkward silences, but it’s probably worth it. Eventually you’ll start making people laugh, which will make you feel great and also more attractive.

In general try to avoid dark humour, overtly sexual humour or self-depricating humour, because the first two can make you seem creepy and the third can make you seem less confident.


**How can you actually seem more confident?**

– **POSTURE**. Look up AthleanX’s YouTube videos on posture.

– Body Language. Open body language makes you more approachable. Charisma on Command on Youtube is great for this.

– Try and walk with confidence. If you want to, you can literally look up YouTube videos on walking in a cooler way.

– Actually being more confident. Stop telling yourself you’re not good enough. Tell yourself that you’re the shit (but also equal to everyone else don’t start being a dick). Try and face your fears in social situations. Speak to strangers. Stop procrastinating. Improve yourself generally. Work hard at things. Exercise. Be kinder.


Also I read somewhere that kindness and generosity is seen as more attractive. Obviously you should be those things anyway, but if you’re trying to be a dick alpha male to be attractive, I really don’t think that’s gonna work. [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/kindness-attractive_n_6063074?ec_carp=2773262034116512143&guccounter=1](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/kindness-attractive_n_6063074?ec_carp=2773262034116512143&guccounter=1)



In my opinion there are hobbies that make you more attractive.

– Learn to sing well or try to improve your singing. YouTube is great for this.

– Learn to play an instrument, I think an acoustic guitar is the most attractive

– Some kind of martial art / self defence

– Reading.

– Write poetry or prose or something. [https://www.wattpad.com/](https://www.wattpad.com/)


**Physical Attractiveness**

– Follow male models / actors on social media to get an idea of what is generally considered attractive

– Exercise (going to the gym will make you look more muscular so is probably your best option in terms of exercise). I recommend AthleanX on YouTube.

– Take care of your skin, benzoyl peroxide is great, use a moisturiser



– If you’re not sure about whether you like your hairstyle, I recommend copying a famous person’s hairstyle

– You can watch videos about getting and maintaining different hairstyles on YouTube

– Short back and sides generally looks better than leaving everything even length


– If you’re not sure what to ask for at the barbers, show them a picture (of a celeb or of you when your hair looked good)

– Google what fades and tapers and numbers etc mean if you don’t understand them so you can communicate better with your barber

– Leaving your hair a bit longer is usually safer than getting it cut a bit shorter

– Make a Google doc of what exactly you want to ask your barber for in the future if you don’t want to use a picture


– Consider getting your eyebrows threaded/trimmed/shaped or tweezering between your eyebrows



– Shower every morning

**-** use enough deodorant that if you sniff your clothes you can smell it, but you can’t smell it otherwise

– roll-on antiperspirants are the most effective. Apply them at night before you go to sleep. I recommend Loreal Men.



**-** I’m brown and I really believe **certain colours suit you better depending on your skin colour** and eye colour (for me – black, white, khaki)

– You can get an idea of what styles look good from IG models and actors, obviously you probably can’t afford their actual clothes but you can get similar cheaper alternatives. @davidjamesseed does affordable fashion on IG. Asos is great for cheap clothes and has a good variety.

– **When you’re out in public, pay attention to men whose outfits you like and try and copy their style.**

– It may be useful to make a decision between buying fewer more expensive clothes or more cheaper clothes depending on your style.

– check out thread.com, you get personalised free style advice


If you want to seem more attractive to a particular person, try to engage with their interests. Follow who they follow, watch what they watch, read what they read, listen to what they listen to, do what they do. (I’m not telling you to stalk them, please don’t stalk them).


Aaand there you go.


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23, spending semester abroad, need advice and strategies


I’m a German/American dual national (I normally live in the States) spending a semester abroad in Salzburg, Austria until the end of April. During my time here (besides the obvious studying) I’m seeking to try and connect with the local women, as I’ve only met girls in the US so far, and I find the women here to be better looking than those in America. However, already being here for around two weeks has exposed some yawning gaps in my game.

Stateside I’ve had to rely solely on Tinder to meet any women at all, and even then I always have had to wait literal MONTHS until I get any sort of leads. The Tinder game in Austria does not seem like a good prospect either, I hardly get any matches with anyone, and even when I do I don’t get very many replies. Therefore, my best bet appears to be bars and the like, but the problem is that I’ve never managed to pull a girl whom I first met in real life instead of Tinder. EVER! Literally my whole skill set is built on using apps, since it’s historically the only way I’ve been able to get any degree of success (which is also not very much). I was also a late bloomer; I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 21, and this means I’m a good four years behind most guys when it comes to women and the like.

Because of these factors, I’m horrible at approaching, generating interest, or attracting girls in real life. The other chaps in the same program as me (who are all a couple years younger than myself) occasionally speak of how they were able to meet women in bars or their previous experience with girls and the like, and this leads to me invariably feeling baffled about how they could pull it off, as well as ashamed of my lack of success in comparison. I just keep wanting to ask “HOW?!!” Conversely, I keep telling myself I SHOULD know how to do this stuff. I’ve been reading seduction-related material since about 2015 and I’ve read the Book of Pook numerous times, to the point that I can now recite large passages of it from memory. Even so, all I’ve managed to be able to do historically is swipe on Tinder constantly and hope for the best, which generates about 1-2 hookups PER YEAR.

Essentially, I need strategies for meeting women in real life. The core concepts of seduction are already engrained in my head, and I seem to have very little approach anxiety, but even so when I’ve tried to talk to girls in bars they all just seem really bored. In the concepts of approaching, flirting, and actually meeting girls I need some serious help. That being said, I do have certain advantages compared to the fellows in my program, I just haven’t been properly capable of using them. For example, I have a fairly interesting backstory and my band has four albums out and has toured the US twice, so that could at least make a good conversation piece if anything. Additionally I have a very good command of the German language and have German nationality myself, so in the eyes of Germans and Austrians I’m not a complete Ausländer like all the American chaps I’m here with. Could anyone tell me how I could put these advantages into practice, so that I actually become capable of doing something other than using Tinder as a crutch?


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