So there’s this woman I’ve had an on going crush for like eight months. Shes incredible artistic, smart, gorgeous, motivated, musically talented. I reached out to her after our most recent work gig. And she was receptive our first date is later today. Me I’m a farmer I grow plants and play video games pretty successful at both. I have no idea how im going to make a connection with her. I’ve seen her perform live and I think that’s a huge part of my attraction to her. She knows how to dominate and be in control while being kind doing it. Its ^%$&in hot. Shes kinda of a manager due to seniority at these catering gigs it’s where we met. Like I can already tell shes the kind of woman I could be devoted to but that shits so not “in” in this culture of hook ups and OLD. HOW do I make myself appealing to her when she has so many better options of fellow musicians and men who have their shit together.


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What am i doing wrong? I feel like a blind man


Okay I would never have thought I would ended up on Reddit talking about my dating life, but here we are.. This is not some sob-story about a guy with the most terrible life. Because I am well aware there are some poor souls who have it 100x worse than me. However, to me my situation feels hopeless and I feel like I keep entering the same cycle I cannot seem to crawl out myself alone. I need help

I’m a 26 year old man and I have never had a relationship in my life, while i’ve had sex with over 60 girls. Its clearly me thats in the wrong but I have no idea what i’m doing wrong. I feel like giving up my desire to have a girlfriend and never date any girl again in my whole life.

Okay so to sum up my life in regards to women real quick: I used to be a really shy kid when I was younger. At the age of 14, girls started to notice me. I am a decent looking person and at that age girls started to flirt with me. Being the shy kid I was, I always just assumed they were fucking with me so I never really played along. Even if I wanted, I had no clue how to go at it(like most people at that age). I lost my virginity around the age of 18, by pure chance. I got completely drunk at a party and I was kinda peer-pressured into going to sleep with this girl. She was really attractive to me, so needless to say I was happy we ended up having sex. Two years passed after that, being the same shy kid with no contact with women whatsoever.

At some point I was fed up with my whole situation, so I started looking into pickup books and videos. I started approaching random women in bars, cafés and later on in all kinds of public places, like trains or malls. Never would have thought, but it actually changed my life. I quickly started getting results, and this gave me a lot of confidence. Women would actually respond well (although the countless awkward rejections attributed a lot more to my growth as a person). I went on a lot of dates, lots of them. After a while, I figured out how to present myself in a more charismatic manner and became very skilled at getting these girls to sleep with me, usually within the same day. My ego shot trough the roof as I started viewing myself as some magician who mastered the art of picking up women. It was ridiculous. I slept with girls on a weekly basis, bragging with my mate (who i taught the same stuff) while we exchanged our ”tactics”. I treated women like objects, made them feel worthless, just to ”get back at them” for being the former shy kid I was.

But from the inside, it never really fulfilled me. I felt no connection with these girls, while a lot of them developed feelings for me (also a lot of them didnt, they just wanted a quick fuck as well). After sleeping with them I felt alone. I kept waiting for a girl who would actually made me feel in love. And after 2 years, I actually met a girl who I developed feelings for. It was the first girl in my life I slept with, who i actually loved. It wasnt two-sided. She just came out of a relationship, and told me from the beginning she wanted to take things ”slow”. I understood, I was just happy I could enjoy being with her while it lasted. At some point she dumped me for another guy she met and he became her boyfriend. This hurt me a lot, being left behind and spent months in my bed crying at the loss of her, although I quickly went back to my old routine of mindlessly fucking strangers.

The older I became, the more I realized how meaningless my dating behavior was. I started to slow down (a bit) on the dating, and waited for the right girl who I could actually develop feelings for. The same pattern kept repeating: I stopped dating random girls and waited for a special lady, this waiting would frustrate me as I would never encounter this special girl and I would revert back to my old self of having sex with random women. On the most rare occasions I would find a girl who would actually spark some interest and hope in me.

But here’s the catch, these girls would always end up rejecting me. It feels like I am cursed, I can date women, except the ones I feel for. This pattern has repeated around 8 times in a row now. I would meet a girl, realize how cool she is. We would date for a while, and then she would disappear. If there is karma, this sure is my payback to the same pain I created to all these other women.

Last week I dated a girl, we took it really slow (which is not common to me) and we went on a date. We had a great time, we kissed and did not have sex. When she left I already knew the same thing would happen. She would abandon me. And she did. I spent the whole evening crying. Not at the loss of this girl, but at the knowledge that the same pattern will happen again. I am done with dating any girl. I was done with all the meaningless sex a long time ago. But whenever I do find some meaning, it ends up abandoning me, leaving me empty. I have no idea how to break this pattern. I just want to have a relationship with a girl I can actually develop feelings for, treat her well and be myself around. If anyone could offer me some sincere advice I would love to hear it. I am desperate and feel hopeless right now, ready to give up dating girls alltogether.


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PRACTICAL advice for men to be more attractive. Sorry if some of this is obvious.


Having been very self-conscious about being super unattractive when I was younger (brown kid in super white english town, super skinny, hit puberty super late), I’ve paid close attention to what makes people more attractive and put effort into becoming more attractive, and recently I feel like it’s worked.

Here’s a run down of practical advice (some of which I’ve followed myself) that I think can make you seem more attractive. I’m not advocating that you change your personality to suit what society sees as more attractive or anything, or that the only reason you should be kind is to get girls – it’s just that I’ve noticed these things are perceived as attractive. And I’m not saying being attractive and being in a relationship will make you happy. If you’re happy to change yourself a little to be more attractive, then I think you should follow the advice. It’s all about how much you’d rather stay true to who think you are. For me, I didn’t change anything that I valued about myself.

General Tip : Charisma on Command have amazing YouTube videos on applied psychology.


I think the main aspects of being attractive are being funny, confident and positive (more than looks).


**Number one tip : smile more.**


**How can you actually get funnier?**

– **Watch comedies** (recommended – B99, Parks and Rec, etc.) You’ll start to pick up the humour.

– **Follow popular meme pages**. You’ll start to pick up the humour.

– Pay attention to what people around you laugh at. Try and apply that kind of humour.

– If you have to, look up jokes online so that you can tell them randomly or if an appropriate situation arises.

– Experiment. If you’re not a funny person, you’re going to inevitably create some awkward silences, but it’s probably worth it. Eventually you’ll start making people laugh, which will make you feel great and also more attractive.

In general try to avoid dark humour, overtly sexual humour or self-depricating humour, because the first two can make you seem creepy and the third can make you seem less confident.


**How can you actually seem more confident?**

– **POSTURE**. Look up AthleanX’s YouTube videos on posture.

– Body Language. Open body language makes you more approachable. Charisma on Command on Youtube is great for this.

– Try and walk with confidence. If you want to, you can literally look up YouTube videos on walking in a cooler way.

– Actually being more confident. Stop telling yourself you’re not good enough. Tell yourself that you’re the shit (but also equal to everyone else don’t start being a dick). Try and face your fears in social situations. Speak to strangers. Stop procrastinating. Improve yourself generally. Work hard at things. Exercise. Be kinder.


Also I read somewhere that kindness and generosity is seen as more attractive. Obviously you should be those things anyway, but if you’re trying to be a dick alpha male to be attractive, I really don’t think that’s gonna work. [](



In my opinion there are hobbies that make you more attractive.

– Learn to sing well or try to improve your singing. YouTube is great for this.

– Learn to play an instrument, I think an acoustic guitar is the most attractive

– Some kind of martial art / self defence

– Reading.

– Write poetry or prose or something. [](


**Physical Attractiveness**

– Follow male models / actors on social media to get an idea of what is generally considered attractive

– Exercise (going to the gym will make you look more muscular so is probably your best option in terms of exercise). I recommend AthleanX on YouTube.

– Take care of your skin, benzoyl peroxide is great, use a moisturiser



– If you’re not sure about whether you like your hairstyle, I recommend copying a famous person’s hairstyle

– You can watch videos about getting and maintaining different hairstyles on YouTube

– Short back and sides generally looks better than leaving everything even length


– If you’re not sure what to ask for at the barbers, show them a picture (of a celeb or of you when your hair looked good)

– Google what fades and tapers and numbers etc mean if you don’t understand them so you can communicate better with your barber

– Leaving your hair a bit longer is usually safer than getting it cut a bit shorter

– Make a Google doc of what exactly you want to ask your barber for in the future if you don’t want to use a picture


– Consider getting your eyebrows threaded/trimmed/shaped or tweezering between your eyebrows



– Shower every morning

**-** use enough deodorant that if you sniff your clothes you can smell it, but you can’t smell it otherwise

– roll-on antiperspirants are the most effective. Apply them at night before you go to sleep. I recommend Loreal Men.



**-** I’m brown and I really believe **certain colours suit you better depending on your skin colour** and eye colour (for me – black, white, khaki)

– You can get an idea of what styles look good from IG models and actors, obviously you probably can’t afford their actual clothes but you can get similar cheaper alternatives. @davidjamesseed does affordable fashion on IG. Asos is great for cheap clothes and has a good variety.

– **When you’re out in public, pay attention to men whose outfits you like and try and copy their style.**

– It may be useful to make a decision between buying fewer more expensive clothes or more cheaper clothes depending on your style.

– check out, you get personalised free style advice


If you want to seem more attractive to a particular person, try to engage with their interests. Follow who they follow, watch what they watch, read what they read, listen to what they listen to, do what they do. (I’m not telling you to stalk them, please don’t stalk them).


Aaand there you go.


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POF is useless


POF is useless


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