I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?


Hi guys. I’m hoping this post helps both me and any of you in the same situation. That’s why I’ve decided to add all these details.

I must have cold approached at least 1000 girls by this point. I’ve gotten into several relationships (shorter- and longer-term) and lots of lays (about 120) in the past with cold approaches, but I suspect much of it was attributed to my decent looks and youthful energy/charm. As I’ve reached 32 years old, however, I find things aren’t as consistent as they used to be, despite me being the most driven I’ve ever been, in the best shape of my life, and the most interesting, confident and best overall person I’ve ever been.

Some advice I got from the Good Looking Loser (website) a long time ago was:
Step 1. Look as good as you can
Step 2. Talk to girls
That’s basically what I’ve been doing my entire life and it really helped me simplify my approach to game. It kind of permitted me to NOT game, if that makes sense. I just talked like a normal person. It worked really well, till now. I’ve always been much more inclined to do “direct/normal/natural game” rather than “game game” (you know what I mean?). Example of a typical approach: “Hi. I saw you from across the room/street/venue and you look nice. I’m Max. Are you single?” I’ve done this so many times that even hard rejections are as emotionally tough to deal with as doing dishes. Fear of rejection = practically zero. In fact, I’m at the point now that some rejections are positively relieving, because at least then I won’t be walking around the rest of the day wondering if that girl was my soulmate or whatever.

About a month ago, after I realized how poorly I’ve been doing the past half year, I decided to make a tally of girls I’ve asked out. After every approach, I write down if the result was “no/not single” or “yes/gave number”. Then I have to wait for a few days or a week to see if the “yes” girls followed through with a date. The current tally so far is 40 girls asked out: 30 “no” and 10 “yes” but only 4 of the “yes” girls went on a date with me. This made me realize that my text game must be abysmal, and/or the initial interaction was off on my end. Maybe not enough rapport in the initial convo, I don’t know, I’ve always been bad with external game (or as most people call it, “game”).

I must mention that I’m aware 40 approaches in 1 month might be very low if you’re going with the “approach every girl you see” method, but I only approach girls I’m genuinely very attracted to and I’m pretty much done with approach anxiety, so I don’t need the practice anymore.

I must stress that in most of the interactions with girls who initially said yes to number/date, then later flaked/ghosted on me, they were VERY enthusiastic and attracted in person. I’m certain of this because of my experience and their obvious interest and flirting. No doubt about it whatsoever. Some of these girls were practically jumping with joy (it was mutual). Then something happens between that brief interaction and the text conversation that I can’t pinpoint. And here I am on reddit because I don’t want to repeat the exact same action/process over and over again my whole life expecting different results. I have to adapt and improve.

There’s a reason I wrote my notch number. 120 is a pretty big number to most guys, yes, I’m aware of that. But I’m starting to realize that I relied on my decent looks and optimistic/youthful energy my whole life without working on actual inner game or outer game as much. I’ve especially neglected outer game because most outer game seemed too robotic and inorganic but I’m finally open to begin practicing actual game so long as it doesn’t involve deceit or manipulation or any of that weird “look at my hand, now imagine it’s a cube, now imagine a horse OK NOW LOOK I HAVE A DICK!” kind of thing.


My basic question is this. If overcoming approach anxiety is the first major step to achieve in seduction, then when one has overcome approach anxiety, what is the next direct step after that? Step TWO (of the never-ending learning process)? I want to view this as a linear path or progression, if you will.


TL;DR: Used to be a motherfuckin pimp lol not really but my notch number is higher than the average guy despite not having much actual game skills or social aptitude (extremely clumsy and often lucky game).

I feel as though I’ve finally and completely overcome approach anxiety.

I’m having trouble closing dates from cold approaches lately despite being the best person I’ve ever been and getting very good initial attraction and phone text message engagement.

Regretting not practicing actual (outer) game many years ago.

Wondering what the next direct step is in this journey after overcoming approach anxiety.


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Getting out of friendzone


Know this girl for 2.5 years. Had a crush on her all along, but we were both in relationships so nothing happened. We talked casually sometimes. In October we started hanging out a lot in different groups, we connect amazingly well. We can follow up each other’s jokes and go on for hours.

In December we were drinking at a friend’s house and started talking about relationships. Our friend told her heartbreak story, I told how I broke up with my gf and she confessed she and her bf haven’t been talking for half a year. That night before she got into an uber – I hugged her and said “If you decide your situation with your bf is hopeless – I ask you out on a date, you’re awesome.”.

A week later we were in the same situation (getting an uber in the night). I asked her when the date’s happening. She cringed, looked at me and said:

“I really love you, but not like that. I haven’t thought about you that way”

I replied:

“I haven’t thought of you that way either since I had a gf, but times change”

“I just don’t want to ruin your life.”

“Are you gonna cheat with some dude and then lie to me?”

“What? No!”

“Then you’re gonna have a hard time trying to ruin it”

Lots of jokes later I kissed her on the cheek and waved her goodbye.

Next day I asked the question again and she said plain “No”. Smiled, hugged her and left for work.

Maybe she doesn’t like me physically, maybe she’s coping with post-break up pain and isn’t ready, can’t tell. She’s been telling everyone she has a bf while in fact she doesn’t.

Since then we’ve been chatting, joking, hanging out and stuff a few times a month. Next week we’re going to another city for a metal show. We’ll be going home during the night, so plenty of romantic one-on-one moments ahead.

I love being around her and I’m fine with her being a friend. I don’t have oneitis, just want to get the most out of this opportunity. What’s the best strategy?

1) Just behave like a friend so she sees I’ve moved on? (sounds the most reasonable for me)

2) Go a step further and try to bring another girl with us?

3) Try to escalate in some other way?


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[FR] Mill Ave squad up with u/Aghayden and another RSD wing from the Phoenix Inner Circle. K-close/ #close with HB7



– Cute college girl #-close/ k-close after damn near having a state crash from running into an ex in the bar

-Number close on a 2-set of volleyball Cali blondes, my target being a surprisingly nerdy Marvel fan, much to my pleasure


**Lessons Learned from the Night**

-The importance of having good wings to enhance your game and push your skills to the next level

-External as well as internal motivation and keeping social momentum

-Adapting to the flow of the night and keeping your state up

-The importance of tracking goals during your pickup journey



My wing who goes by Lucifer Morningstar and I met up with Aghayden at an Irish pub to discuss infield recording. Aghayden is pretty damn well versed in game and is an approach machine. My style is more low-key (think RSD Madison), but I’ve been pushing myself to up my energy in set. Having gone out the night before to do some solo game, I was looking forward to burning down town with some wings. Anyways, after about an hour at the pub of shooting the shit, we roll out to the first bar to warmup.



**First Bar**

We walk up to the usual warmup spot, and I can feel the gears in my head start to sluggishly turn. Probably didn’t help that I was shivering from the cold, so my main concern was getting indoors before running anything as I knew my mouth would fail me at that point. Right as the group was entering the side entrance of the bar that leads to the dancefloor/ club section, I spot a 2- set, a big-tittied HB7 Latina and a HB7 white chick, whom enter the line right after us. Lucifer spots me staring at them, so he pushes me to make it the first approach of the night. I walk up and open the white chick asking how she is handling the cold so well with no sleeves, she remarks how she’s from Canada and I shoot the shit with her before entering the bar. Looking back, my target was the Latina, and I should have been direct from the start. I also had a chance to reopen on the dance floor, but I was still inside my head at the time. Nonetheless I moved on towards the patio area with Lucifer, as Aghayden was in set with what turned out to be a female dating coach (must have been RSDSarah running bootcamp haha).

So Lucifer and I run a few more sets to get out of our heads that end up leading to nowhere, but I’m gradually getting into my groove. A HB8/hired gun working at the bar walks up to see if any of us need any drinks, and I decide that it was a good time to troll a bit so I tell her my usual vampire shtick (“I’m a 120 vampire. Do you happen to have any blood on tap”). Lucifer and Aghayden add in the conversation, which helps anxiety go back down. A few more exchanges of banter and the hired gun walks away, but I’m finally getting out of my head. I wing Aghayden with a 2-set of HB6, one who looks like Linda Hamiliton from the Terminator series, but I decide to bounce as my face is getting toasted by the porch torch they have on the patio. Things really take a turn for crazy at this point as I link up with Lucifer and we’re chilling on the dance floor. I run into another hired gun/HB8 who I #-closed the night prior, and I see if she wants to link up in 20 minutes to change venues, but she and her posse were heading down to Old Town Scottsdale. I spot a 2-set, HB7 and HB5. HB5 is whispering in HB7’s ear, looking me dead in the eye, and alternating between pointing at me and her friend. Seeing another chance to troll, I walk up asking if I’m about about to get auctioned off to her friend. She replies by telling me her friend is trying to get 21 kisses before the end of the night for her birthday and I pull Lucifer over, as chaotic and non-nonsensical shenanigans is his forte. We shoot the shit for a bit, and tell them to meet us at the next location, but they’re going to another bar instead. No big deal, but atleast we have them seeded for later. We text Aghayden and bounce to the next bar.


**Second Bar/ Run-in with the Ex/ State Crash Recovery with K-close**

At this point, I’m fully warmed up, and the social juices are flowing through my head. Lucifer and I head up to the bar, as Aghayden is still on his way, and as I walk through one of the tabled areas, I meet eyes with a Native American chick who looks strangely familiar. I maintain eye contact for a few more seconds before I realized it was the roommate of a fling that went south recently. “Fuck!” is all that runs into my head. Sure enough the “ex” walks out of the bathroom a few seconds later (I’m at the bar, and looking out of the corner of my eye) and I feel daggers.


State crash imminent.


Lucifer brings me back to reality and out of my head, and I order a water to swig down. I’m on a roll and there’s no way that I was going to derail my night just because of that. I down the water, head towards the dance floor. At this point I’m still reeling, as I start imagining my sets fucking up in front of the Ex. I do a weak hand of God on a 5-set of HB7/8 that goes nowhere. Quickly I spot a two set, with a HB7 in bell bottom pants that makes her cute little ass perk out. This time I hand of God her with conviction, and she comes over. I ask her if she just stepped off of a time machine and she laughs. We shoot the shit, with me kino-ing heavy, and her reciprocating. I ask her what’s she doing out on the town, and she tells me it’s her friend’s birthday. I up the energy of the group and high-five the birthday girl, another HB7. My target, the 70’s girl, tells me that her friend is turning 22, and I ask her how old she herself is. It’s here I come off a bit uncalibrated, as I tell her she better not be 17 or I’ll call Chris Hansen. She initially says she’s 22, then jokingly says 17. I act all shocked and weirded out to joke a bit and say, “That’s okay, seeing how I’m a 120 year old vampire. I’m perpetually 16 years old like Edward Cullen.” She’s chuckles, and the bounces. Fail.

Aghayden meets up with us as this point, and I relay the details of the last 20 minutes to him. It’s about 12:45 at this point, and we’re looking to bounce to another bar, when 70’s girl comes out. I yell out to her, and she comes to me. I reassure her that I’m not a minor to build some comfort. I ask her to change venues with me, but she says she needs to find birthday girl. I tell her to swap numbers with me, and then I kiss her hand. Lucifer and Aghayden tell me to go for the makeout and I pull over back over to me and we makeout for a bit. We bounce.


**Third Bar/ Mic’d up/ Marvel Nerd Volleyball Blondes**

My state is riding high, and at this point, Aghayden mic’s me up to record some infield. I approach an Asian HB8 who was moderately interested with my direct opener (Black & Yellow callback), but she ends up walking off. We step into the bar and I see the 21 kisses, 2-set. I re-open and HB7 recognizes me. Lucifer comes into set, and I hand it off to him as he had more rapport going on earlier. I spot two Blondes looking peculiarly tall and I approach them, positioning myself between them and saying we look like a reverse Oreo cookie. They laugh and I shoot the shit for a while. With how loud the club was, I knew I was going to have some trouble holding the set down, so I call Aghayden over to assist. He was recording my infield with his phone, but being the great wing he is, decided to come over anyways. I talk to the HB7 for some time, asking some normal questions. I hear Aghayden tell the HB8 friend that I’m a huge Marvel fan due to my Black Panther necklace I was wearing. As it turns out, HB8 is also a huge Marvel fan and we switch targets in order for me to nerd out on her. My mistake here was not pushing the envelope, as I probably could have pulled that night. There were loads of IOI’s (facepalm), and my target was from out of town so it would not have been hard to seal the deal and drive her back to HB7 place in the morning. ***Lesson: Push the envelope, and burn the set down if you have to.***

At this point, I spot this high energy, half Chinese/half Mexican HB8 who is looking hot af. I hand of God her over and ask where she is from as I notice she has her passport in her back pocket. She tells me that she lost her ID and is using her Passport as ID. She’s fucking high energy as fuck, so I’m having some trouble bantering with her. However I notice a split second IOI she gives to Lucifer, and I jump on the opportunity to pass her off, as he might have better luck than me. I introduce him as my Irish friend and he pulls out his Northern Irish accent, she buys it completely. Aghayden and I walk off as Lucifer and the HB8 start to makeout. I run one more set, and then we reconvene and bounce from the bar. We run some game on a Cardi B doppelganger HB7 and her friend. We try to get them to bounce with us to the first bar, but they end up walking away. We head back to the first bar

**Finale/ Street Game**

We get back to the first bar and Lucifer runs game on a Taylor Swift doppelganger hired gun who’s an HB8. We then run into a 3-set of chicks celebrating a birthday (HB6,HB6, HB5) anf shoot the shit before finally bouncing to do street game. Craziness is ramping up, as I’m embracing the chaos that is the post closing time Mill Ave. I do some high energy sets on a Kendall Jenner doppelganger HB8, a 3-set I named Charlie’s Angels, and a Rosario Dawson look alike. I even trolled a bit with a girl who was talking to the cops about a lost phone haha.

Overall, not a bad night. It had it’s ups and downs, but we were able to keep the momentum going and work synergistically with one another. If any of you are in the Phoenix area, I would highly advise gamin with Aghayden as he will hold you accountable.

Lucifer, our wing Zeus,and myself (T’challa Uchiha) frequent Mill Ave in Tempe and OT Scottsdale, and we’re always looking for guys to game with. Feel free to follow us on our Youtube Channel, [TheDapperLifestyle](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSjggs7ICAJLIN7NhmsemoQ/featured?view_as=subscriber).

Shoutout to u/Aghayden, follow him for some great pickup tips on his [Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4kTcVi-b_9qQnMCRG9WggA).


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How does one get girls in high school?


I’m 16 years old, I’m in 10th grade at a small high school (like 450 people). The last year and a half I haven’t really been looking to get girls, but I’m tired of being lonely so here I am. How do I get girls in high school?


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How To Effectively Set Daily Goals In Life and With Women


How To Effectively Set Daily Goals In Life and With Women


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What are some dirty talk phrases you say?


I’m looking for common phrases like “choke me daddy” and stuff, if that’s considered common.

This is actually for my thesis, I shit you not, so anything goes.

In the name of education, I’d really appreciate if you would share your best lines. pls thank you.



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“I would like this. I want this. I desire this BUT I don’t need this.”


I’ve discovered this mindset on my personal growth journey but never heard it said so succinctly.

It’s a quote I heard from Charlie Houpert, the guy from Charisma on Command. I don’t know if it’s a quote he’s taken from somewhere.

The mindset serves two purposes in my life. One, to keep me grounded emotionally by appreciating what I have right now. And two, I try to let this mindset be apparent in my words and actions with the new women I encounter. I want them understanding: “He’s interested in me, but he doesn’t love or need me, because he doesn’t know if I’m what he’s looking for.”

I always appreciate the depth of advice offered by you guys so I wanted to present the quote to you as a mindset worth adopting in my opinion if you don’t already have it.


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