Long story short, there is a girl (25) at this bar I’m (26) working at part-time on weekends, but before I actually started working there, we had talked a lot and eventually I invited her out to eat. I eventually thought I shouldn’t even have asked because I was a regular at that bar even before she started working there, but I felt like there was some interest. We ended up going out to eat at sit down restaurant, it was a weekday night, so I said it’s totally fine if you need to go back early for work tomorrow, and she said she was down until the last train to have a drink at the bar, and let me introduce her to my friend. I introduced her to my friend, and regrettably ended up talking more to him than her. After that, we said we would do something, but time went by us both being busy (moving) and stuff, I just kind of left it alone until recently. This was all before we started working together at the bar. About 7 months ago, also in Japan btw.
I had asked her to go to a concert with me last December on extremely late notice, just thinking what the hell, and she said she would’ve loved to go but she wished I had asked her earlier so she could’ve taken time off her full time work (it was a weekday). I just took it as a no, but I guess I had unresolved feelings, because the more I talked to her at work I liked her. These feelings got stronger, and even though we’re coworkers (kinda) now and it would be awkward possibly if she rejected me. I ended up biting the bullet and just asking her, and she said she wanted to go, but the rest of this month was kinda busy, so she offered to reschedule in April. I can’t help but think she’s going out due to pity, and obligations of being coworkers and not hurting my feelings, but if she wasn’t interested at all, even all this time later, she probably wouldn’t re-offer, I’m guessing. I haven’t made a move since then, really as the cultural norms in Japan are much different in the states, so I’ve been super conscious of that.
This might be a bad idea to begin with, but I figured I should just be honest about feelings. How do I convince myself that it’s not just pity? I’m sure she knows I like her, but my friends said likely she does know, but she’s waiting for you to make a move, or trying more to see if were compatible or not.Looking back now, I definitely should have made a move that first date, as there were plenty of signs that I was too oblivious to get. I know this is kinda pathetic honestly, worrying so much but I’m still trying to get back on my feet since me and ex broke up over a year and a half ago.
Any constructive advice would be welcome.