I was curious if anybody has had the same experience as me and also just to rant and bitch a bit to get it off my chest.
So very recently I’ve been hanging out with this girl I work with. We both go to Community College. Im 20, shes 18. Through mutual coworkers we both heard we thought each other was cute. So we started talking more, we connected quickly, and I asked her out. By the first date, we were making out and gettin touchy in my car after the movie. We continued talking and going out for about two weeks. But almost as quickly as things escalated, it began to deescalate. For the most part, we were having fun and enjoying each other during work, but more and more I found it challenging to spend time with me outside of work. I would offer to take her out or even just to hang out and study together, but she kept saying how busy she was. One week we both had the same exact days off. She managed to be busy for both of them. Eventually I had enough. After a minor argument and me asking to speak in person about what was on our minds (rather than hide behind phones) , she hit me with “sorry I was busy earlier and I was nervous that you were mad at me”. Then I said i wasn’t mad and that I still wanted to talk that day. Then I got hit with another “sorry I was busy”. I had enough at that point. After that, I didn’t respond and deleted her number so I wouldn’t be tempted to text her.
Now, when I see her in person, she first acts unbelievably awkward. I try to say some things to her just so I don’t look pissy. I was able to get a good normal conversation goin, similar to ones we had when I considered us together. I just cannot read what’s goin on with girl whatsoever. It’s almost like she doesn’t realize how fuckin rude she’s been. What’s weird is she even told me to buy tickets to a festival that her and another coworker were going to and wanted me to come along with them.
It almost seems like she’s trying to ghost me in real life. I almost just want to shake her around and tell her “IF YOU’RE DONE WITH ME THEN FUCKING TELL ME”. It’s just so frustrating. I figured my best plan of attack was just to act like I’m not affected at all by her decision to drop me and basically keep my mouth shut and move on.
I’m just curious if anybody else has had something like this happen them and has any advice to either re-spark attraction, get her to open up to me about what happened, or offer any different perspective. I figured she’s just immature and doesn’t know what she wants, especially since I am transferring to a university next semester.
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I liked the first method in this video for how to get over approach anxiety: lower your criteria of what it means to approach to just walking over and uttering a sound. But he doesn’t give any examples. I’m guessing he doesn’t literally mean “utter a sound”. Maybe he means things like “the bus is late as usual” or “looks like all the bananas are green today”? I’d like examples because I will struggle even coming up with some meaningless comment. Anyone have examples?
View Reddit by ljhhgkhgkhjg – View Source
These are the 3 big things I’ve picked up on recently. I went through a shit break-up last year and it took a lot of time to get my game back. This subreddit helped me get through tough times so I am paying it forward.
1) Cocky comedy will take you far. Being playfully cocky will instantly separate you from 90% of social interactions she has with other males. Cocky comedy comes from the perspective that **she is the one who is after you.** When meeting a new woman, challenge her from the very beginning. Instead of pursuing her, put it in your head that she is the one pursuing you. Don’t be afraid to bust her balls, but make sure it’s in a teasing flirtatious way. One way I like to use cocky comedy is by using a made up “strike system”. I’ll say something like this: “Oh, you don’t like pineapple on pizza? That’s gonna be a strike. This isn’t going to work out.” I take something small and blow it out of proportion as if it was a relationship deal breaker. The secret is a sly delivery, as you don’t want to come off as arrogant or try to hurt her feelings. Cocky comedy is a way to show that you’re not intimidated by her and that you like to have a good time. It’s also a good shit test to play on women.
2) Stop relying on logical characteristics to get women. This one took me a long time to figure out. I used to think “I’m an above average looking guy, I wear nice clothes, I’m not a fuck-up, so why aren’t women throwing themselves at me?” The thing is, having “logical” qualities is great to possess, and you should absolutely work on becoming the best person you can be. **But the reality is that logic ain’t gonna get you laid.** In order to attract women you must do so on an emotional level. Attraction is fueled by humor, charm, smart-ass comments, unpredictability, wit, i.e. the intangible characteristics. You MUST make a woman feel a special way if you want to attract her. The extra stuff (nice job and car) is just icing on the cake once you’ve already attracted her.
3) Understand what confidence looks like. You always hear people say “just be confident around women,” but what the fuck does confidence even LOOK like? I figured out that **confidence is just a sense of security in future events.** When talking to women, speak with certainty in the future. Replace your “if’s” with “when’s”, and stop staying “I think” and “I guess.” Communicate as though you already know you **will** go on a date with her, and that you **will** end up kissing her. You’ll start to notice how this change in mentality will subsequently change the way you carry yourself. If deep down you’re still insecure (which is okay) then fake it till you make it.
EDIT: Glad to see the reception this got! I’m going to make a post in a few days outlining some cocky comedy techniques. Be on the lookout for it.
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