How to Overcome Approach Anxiety | 3 Dating Tips On How To Talk To Girls With Confidence

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How to Overcome Approach Anxiety | 3 Dating Tips On How To Talk To Girls With Confidence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H450lZb-Mdg
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View Reddit by theasianplayboyView Source

My Golden Rule of pickup and how it helped me overcome approach anxiety.

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Yesterday I made [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b224z9/almost_4_years_ago_i_hit_rock_bottom_with_my_love/) about my experience in game. Most of the feedback you gave me was about the last point, so I wanted to create a new post to expand on it further.

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My Golden Rule for pickup is simple: *Leave them better than you found them.* I wish I could take credit for it, but it’s something I heard or read somewhere else. Unfortunately, I can’t remember where. It’s a mantra I carried throughout my time in the game and it always served me well. So well, in fact, that I have expanded it to include not just the women I approach, but every social interaction I have, be it with a woman or a man.

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But what does it mean to leave them better than you found them and how can you possibly do this with every single person you interact with? Ultimately, it comes down to being a value-giver or a value-taker. I like how John Maxwell puts it when he said you can either be a lifter or a stander. I see every interaction I have with someone as an opportunity to make their life, or even just their day, a little bit better. I can make them laugh, teach them something new, be an ear for them to vent to, or simply give them an enjoyable conversation. There are countless ways you can provide value. If I fail at that, then it’s likely that I’m actually taking value away. If I’m in a bad mood and let that affect my behavior, ask for favors without reciprocating, or use my words to hurt, just to give a few examples, then I’m actively taking value. When I act in such as way, one would be better off not interacting with me at all.

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So, how is all of this talk about value-giving vs value-taking going to help you get over approach anxiety?

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When I first started with game, I would approach a woman and subconsciously be thinking, *Hehehe, I going to go talk to this girl, use the latest techniques I read on seddit, she will think this is actually who I am and she will give me her phone number.* **In other words, I approached women with the intent of taking value from them** (i.e. her attention, her phone number, her time and, if I was lucky, her body). I consider myself a good person, so deep down this didn’t sit well with me, even if at the time I couldn’t explain exactly why. This feeling manifested itself in the form of approach anxiety. I felt bad that I was taking value without providing value in return, so I would get nervous.

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Over time, I noticed changes in myself that changed my interactions with women. I was on a major self-improvement kick. I was trying new things, pursuing hobbies, traveling, making new friends, killing it at work and getting in better physical shape. As a result, my mindset changed when I would make an approach. I felt excited rather than nervous. Eventually, there came one particular approach where before I took my first step, I thought to myself, *this girl doesn’t know it yet, but I’m about to make her night.* That was my light bulb moment .

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Can you see the difference between the two mindsets I had? **As a beginner, I was actively trying to take value and hoping no one would notice. In my new mindset, I was excited to give value.** This is what took my game to the next level. Before I made an approach, I would think, *I don’t know how this interaction will end, but I can guarantee her night will be better for having met me.* Once I had that mindset, approaching was easy.

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How do you access that mindset though? I came about it organically and accidentally by actively trying to improve myself as a person. While I highly recommend trying to grow as a person, you can achieve this mindset by living the mantra stated above: *Leave them better than you found them*. If you walk into every approach with this as your one and only goal, amazing things will happen.

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View Reddit by SwoleBuddhaView Source

I don’t understand how people meet women in college.

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So I started college this year and so far I haven’t had much success with women. I thought college would be different, but it’s the same as always. I’m at a loss. I’ve tried joining some clubs but haven’t met anybody. Nobody really talks in class. I’m not even sure where the parties are since my school is in a weird environment.

What should I do? Not to toot my own horn but I’ve been told that I’m pretty attractive and have a good personality. A lot of women seem surprised when I tell them with my lack of success with women. Yet when I go out, I never get approached and no women ever seem interested in me.

I need advice. I feel like I’m missing out.

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View Reddit by lilajstylesView Source

Oneitis while in a relationship

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Hello everyone,

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This is my first post here, also under a new username as I know some of my friends are also watching this topic.

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**TL;DR:** I seem to have developed oneitis for one of my work colleagues while also being involved in a relationship. Please share advice and paths to follow,

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**Long story:** Broke up with 6 years girlfriend after finding out she was cheating on me last year in June. By July I was already in a relationship with an ex-colleague. Everything seemed to be different and mature (I’m 26 she’s 35), the sex was great and she seemed to be a great companion.

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In October I’ve changed jobs and one of the new colleagues (she’s 20 YO) kept hitting on me until one day we went out and even though I made it clear that I don’t want a relationship (as I was already with the 35 YO girl) she accepted and we had sex.

This turned out to be a great experience and we kept having sex until the point I was convinced that I have to break up with the 35YO and try to get serious with the 20 YO. In the same time, I got jealous because the the 20 YO was flirting with another colleague of mine. So I went ahead and asked the colleague about what was going on between them, got the same answer from him (that she told him he only likes him as a friend) and decided I want this girl to be mine.

However, he went to her and told her about our conversation so she freaked out and we broke up (on December 31st) , leaving me with the 35 YO. This was a tough way to learn a lesson but I went on and decided to enjoy my life as it is despite seeing her (the 20YO) daily at work. In the meantime, she got together with the guy I was jealous on.

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However, in the last week, she’s been giving me attention to the point where we discussed about our mistakes and lessons we’ve learned. Long story short, we went out of the office building, I’ve hugged her, tried to kiss her but she avoided it.

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Now, I know I should move on and ignore her but the fact that I can’t have her while she’s with my colleague (which I consider lower value than myself) is driving me nuts and **all I can think about is getting her back**. This is also damaging my current relationship with the 35YO who’s trying to understand my depression and lack of interest.

Would you still try to get together with her (although it’s obvious it’s not going to last) or ignore her for good and tell her to get out of my life? I can’t seem to be able to do any of the above but any advice about overcoming oneitis while still keeping my mental health would be much appreciated.

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Thanks

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View Reddit by notfirsttimehereView Source

I’m improving!!

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Here’s a backstory I go to community college and I walk past girls all the time when I’m walking to classes and leaving the campus. Well yesterday I promised myself that I’m gonna start a new routine where I would go each floor of the building where my classes takes place and I would try and find girls to talk to. Well today and I ended up talking to 2 girls and talked to them got their names and told them that they were really cute..i wanted to get their numbers but it wasn’t my goal..my goal was to just say to them that they were cute and talk to them. My next goal is to keep doing it and then maybe get a girls number.

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View Reddit by delacruzalView Source

Approaching when no one is around

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So guys I just see a cute girl sitting alone in hallway , should I approach? The hallway is almost too empty. Would it be creepy?

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View Reddit by lolopolo999View Source

Picking up women when you have a disability?

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I broke my ankle last week and am currently on a scooter moped thing and will be for a few months. I’m used to dating 3-5 girls a week but since my injury I’ve had none. I can’t even fathom going on a date now. It’s my right ankle too so I can’t even drive to pick them up. Sex is ok: I’ve had one of my more close-relationship girls keep me company but even though I was a bit off with my meds my little guy still worked. For those that have had a temp or permanent disability, how did you adapt?

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View Reddit by ricolahhView Source

Oneitis = Usually rejected, but amazing feeling when it works. Some other girl = often successful, but not that excited about it. Anyone relate to this conundrum?

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The title basically speaks for itself. What do you do when you only really desire a woman if it was a tough grind to get her? Why do I NEED to obsess about a woman first before being into her? Dating girls I’ve only recently met never even comes close to the feeling of getting with my oneitis. What to do, boys?

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View Reddit by _Le_Chef_View Source