I had a really bad first date where I admittedly made some mistakes, but also I think factors out of my control were working against me. In order to avoid having this happen again, I want to get better at “qualifying” girls before our first date. I live in New York and work in finance so i’m not short on money. I also live in Soho so i’m within walking distance to most of lower manhattan. My main thing is though that I’m still fresh out of school so I don’t want to waste money on dates that will inevitably not go anywhere. So far I’ve come up with three things….
1) If a girl is not willing to meet up with you in the evening, then don’t spend any money.
I’m fine with dates walking around the city / park, but for day time / casual dates, i’ve found that the success rate of getting a second date is super slim. My theory is that a day time date has a vibe of being casual and friendly, which kills the mystery involved in first meeting a new potential sex partner. The only time I ever got a follow up date after a coffee meetup was in college during a school break where most of campus was empty. Limiting day time dates to free activities will help me be sure to not waste money in the event that these girls ghost me. Which brings me to my next point.
2) Never go out on a date with a “time line”.
What I mean by this is that if a girl is like ” yeah i’d love to meet but i’ve got x commitment with my friends later on so lets just meet for an hour or so”.
Essentially the way I see this is that again, the attraction and sexual vibe is killed by the time hanging over your head. The vibe of the date becomes less of “i wanna get to know you” and more of “what should i talk about for an hour before this is over”. Not to mention that there is about a 5% chance that these dates end up in me getting laid. The only way i’ll go on these in the future is if I get to choose the venue so I have somewhat of a chance to escalate.
3) If a girl doesn’t drink alcohol, or says she’s not really into going out, next her immediately.
I’ve been around long enough to know that even girls who say they want relationships are open to hook ups, but I’ve never gone on a date with a girl who was hesitant about getting drunk where I’ve had any kind of success. As douchey as that may sound to write off a girl just cuz she doesn’t like drinking, the numbers don’t lie.
TLDR: I live in New York, One of the most expensive cities on the planet, and I want to figure out ways to determine the likelihood of a girl hooking up with me prior to starting the dating process. This post obviously doesn’t apply to me going out to bars at night but I do a solid mix of that plus tinder, hinge, etc.
If anyone has advice on good questions to ask or ways to get an idea of how willing/ quickly a girl is willing to have sex, I’d be happy to pick your brains. Help a friend save money lol
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