My Golden Rule of pickup and how it helped me overcome approach anxiety.

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Yesterday I made [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b224z9/almost_4_years_ago_i_hit_rock_bottom_with_my_love/) about my experience in game. Most of the feedback you gave me was about the last point, so I wanted to create a new post to expand on it further.

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My Golden Rule for pickup is simple: *Leave them better than you found them.* I wish I could take credit for it, but it’s something I heard or read somewhere else. Unfortunately, I can’t remember where. It’s a mantra I carried throughout my time in the game and it always served me well. So well, in fact, that I have expanded it to include not just the women I approach, but every social interaction I have, be it with a woman or a man.

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But what does it mean to leave them better than you found them and how can you possibly do this with every single person you interact with? Ultimately, it comes down to being a value-giver or a value-taker. I like how John Maxwell puts it when he said you can either be a lifter or a stander. I see every interaction I have with someone as an opportunity to make their life, or even just their day, a little bit better. I can make them laugh, teach them something new, be an ear for them to vent to, or simply give them an enjoyable conversation. There are countless ways you can provide value. If I fail at that, then it’s likely that I’m actually taking value away. If I’m in a bad mood and let that affect my behavior, ask for favors without reciprocating, or use my words to hurt, just to give a few examples, then I’m actively taking value. When I act in such as way, one would be better off not interacting with me at all.

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So, how is all of this talk about value-giving vs value-taking going to help you get over approach anxiety?

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When I first started with game, I would approach a woman and subconsciously be thinking, *Hehehe, I going to go talk to this girl, use the latest techniques I read on seddit, she will think this is actually who I am and she will give me her phone number.* **In other words, I approached women with the intent of taking value from them** (i.e. her attention, her phone number, her time and, if I was lucky, her body). I consider myself a good person, so deep down this didn’t sit well with me, even if at the time I couldn’t explain exactly why. This feeling manifested itself in the form of approach anxiety. I felt bad that I was taking value without providing value in return, so I would get nervous.

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Over time, I noticed changes in myself that changed my interactions with women. I was on a major self-improvement kick. I was trying new things, pursuing hobbies, traveling, making new friends, killing it at work and getting in better physical shape. As a result, my mindset changed when I would make an approach. I felt excited rather than nervous. Eventually, there came one particular approach where before I took my first step, I thought to myself, *this girl doesn’t know it yet, but I’m about to make her night.* That was my light bulb moment .

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Can you see the difference between the two mindsets I had? **As a beginner, I was actively trying to take value and hoping no one would notice. In my new mindset, I was excited to give value.** This is what took my game to the next level. Before I made an approach, I would think, *I don’t know how this interaction will end, but I can guarantee her night will be better for having met me.* Once I had that mindset, approaching was easy.

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How do you access that mindset though? I came about it organically and accidentally by actively trying to improve myself as a person. While I highly recommend trying to grow as a person, you can achieve this mindset by living the mantra stated above: *Leave them better than you found them*. If you walk into every approach with this as your one and only goal, amazing things will happen.

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What exactly is an “intention”?

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For the Mark Manson and James Marshall fans out there, and consequently, if you’re an avid direct gamer, intentions are prime in gaming. But first, what IS an intention?

You see, I think I’ve been doing approaches all wrong. You know what I said about intentions? According to the dictionary, an intention is “a thing intended; an aim or plan”. Yeah, I want to go out and meet and fuck women, but my real intentions (or aim) was trying to do a numbers game.

For example, I go out and subconsciously tell myself “Alright I’m going to do 5 approaches today”. All my mind hears is ‘5 approaches’. They can be shit approaches or good approaches. All that matters to my brain and consequently, my intentions is ‘meet 5 girls’.

What I really should be doing is forgetting about the approach number. Instead, just think about ‘I want to get laid. I want sex.’ Instead of ‘approach 5 girls’.

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Texting during the week?

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Talked to this girl on tinder, we talked for a few hours, I sent some flirty text, she did too, we set to meet on Saturday.

I’m wondering if I should text her sometime during the week, to be honest I don’t want to because I wanna keep the date interesting and don’t want to know her too well beforehand.
Although I’m worried I’ll come off as not interested in her or she’ll lose interest during the week if we don’t talk.
What should I do?

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Does the POF app have video calling or not??

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So i’m guessing by my luck the one woman out of hundreds of likes (by me) is just scamming me, but after several messages back and forth she states that she’d like to meet but first would like me to get on a video call so she can get a better look at me. She said she tried to video call me through the app but that it wouldn’t let her because it wasn’t set up on my end. So I scour the internet trying to figure out how to do this, and I did actually find several pof-related pages stating that video calling is part of the “conversation powers”. But nothing anywhere on how to actually enable the feature. I do have a setting for enabling voice calls within the messaging window, but again nothing about video.

After explaining all this, she replied “You need to activate your free Video call options on here 1st. send a request to pof web master about it. have you tried it? I can send them a request now if u want.” I said no that’s ok i’ll contact support. Then she sent me a link stating to “try it out”, with the site something very scammy looking like pof-videoupdate dot net. This is easily the 3rd or 4th time in a few days that i got a scammer, but the first time it seemed like a real person who actually held a conversation at first.

Is POF just garbage? Are there no real women in my area actually trying to date?? It’s downright debilitating swiping right on literally hundreds of women and literally only getting scammers for matches. I’m not in the best place right now and just hoped to get some kind of validation and at least a little self esteem boost if not actual dates, and instead what this app and others is shown me is that I have no real value as a potential romantic partner, except that i’m a warm body asking to be taken advantage of.

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