Question about cold approach

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Lets say you aren’t Brad Pitt in Fight club. Aren’t women going to judge you by the halo effect and write you off as a creep? Seems only very attractive guys (by 2019 social media standards) should be doing any approach today.

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View Reddit by nylostandfoundView Source

Don’t know how to approach girl at work after huge eye contact…

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We don’t work at the same store but stores are next to each other. Basically I was walking and I looked at her right in the eyes, I’ve never seen her before, she keep the eye contact for 10 seconds (or even more) straight until she broke it. I was determined to not to break it first as I read multiple times on this thread and so I did it. Few days later she was going to his store and as I turned my head I noticed she was looking at me but immediatley she looked away
I’m pretty sure she’s interested but I don’t think I can go and talk to her in front of her colleagues (all females). What can I do?

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View Reddit by nojitsuView Source

My Golden Rule of pickup and how it helped me overcome approach anxiety.

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Yesterday I made [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b224z9/almost_4_years_ago_i_hit_rock_bottom_with_my_love/) about my experience in game. Most of the feedback you gave me was about the last point, so I wanted to create a new post to expand on it further.

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My Golden Rule for pickup is simple: *Leave them better than you found them.* I wish I could take credit for it, but it’s something I heard or read somewhere else. Unfortunately, I can’t remember where. It’s a mantra I carried throughout my time in the game and it always served me well. So well, in fact, that I have expanded it to include not just the women I approach, but every social interaction I have, be it with a woman or a man.

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But what does it mean to leave them better than you found them and how can you possibly do this with every single person you interact with? Ultimately, it comes down to being a value-giver or a value-taker. I like how John Maxwell puts it when he said you can either be a lifter or a stander. I see every interaction I have with someone as an opportunity to make their life, or even just their day, a little bit better. I can make them laugh, teach them something new, be an ear for them to vent to, or simply give them an enjoyable conversation. There are countless ways you can provide value. If I fail at that, then it’s likely that I’m actually taking value away. If I’m in a bad mood and let that affect my behavior, ask for favors without reciprocating, or use my words to hurt, just to give a few examples, then I’m actively taking value. When I act in such as way, one would be better off not interacting with me at all.

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So, how is all of this talk about value-giving vs value-taking going to help you get over approach anxiety?

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When I first started with game, I would approach a woman and subconsciously be thinking, *Hehehe, I going to go talk to this girl, use the latest techniques I read on seddit, she will think this is actually who I am and she will give me her phone number.* **In other words, I approached women with the intent of taking value from them** (i.e. her attention, her phone number, her time and, if I was lucky, her body). I consider myself a good person, so deep down this didn’t sit well with me, even if at the time I couldn’t explain exactly why. This feeling manifested itself in the form of approach anxiety. I felt bad that I was taking value without providing value in return, so I would get nervous.

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Over time, I noticed changes in myself that changed my interactions with women. I was on a major self-improvement kick. I was trying new things, pursuing hobbies, traveling, making new friends, killing it at work and getting in better physical shape. As a result, my mindset changed when I would make an approach. I felt excited rather than nervous. Eventually, there came one particular approach where before I took my first step, I thought to myself, *this girl doesn’t know it yet, but I’m about to make her night.* That was my light bulb moment .

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Can you see the difference between the two mindsets I had? **As a beginner, I was actively trying to take value and hoping no one would notice. In my new mindset, I was excited to give value.** This is what took my game to the next level. Before I made an approach, I would think, *I don’t know how this interaction will end, but I can guarantee her night will be better for having met me.* Once I had that mindset, approaching was easy.

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How do you access that mindset though? I came about it organically and accidentally by actively trying to improve myself as a person. While I highly recommend trying to grow as a person, you can achieve this mindset by living the mantra stated above: *Leave them better than you found them*. If you walk into every approach with this as your one and only goal, amazing things will happen.

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View Reddit by SwoleBuddhaView Source

This Subreddit is Hilariously Problematic

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I stumbled across this subreddit a few days ago and honestly I can’t believe something like this still exists. Not a seduction subreddit, there is nothing wrong with that on it’s own. But the rhetoric in here is absolutely disgusting.

What I see a lot on here are people acting as if all women are essentially the same.

-“Woman want a guy who is confident, secure with their body and **masculine**.”

-“Woman at the club will look at you if you are having fun and **don’t care** what they think about you.”

-“Woman are attracted to men who can **control** any room they walk into.”

By themselves, statements like these aren’t that bad. It’s certainly true that more women are attracted to guys with certain characteristics. And that goes the same for guys. But that is not how things are framed here. Women are talked about as if they have no agency, no thoughts. Just beings waiting to find men who fit the description of attractive that has been laid out here. This is all TOTAL BULLSHIT. Tons of women like guys who are open about their emotions and not afraid of their insecurities (that’s the kind of guy that would be called a beta here).

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But the bigger problem here is this is essentially the only way you all talk about women. I know this is a seduction subreddit so everything is sex related, but you are spreading an ideology that leads people to completely objectify women. It’s disgusting. And I have no problem with trying to get laid. You just need to stop brainwashing yourself to the point where you see women as “something to conquer”. You may think you let that perspective go when you aren’t seducing women, but you are wrong. It is still incredibly limiting and damaging. It damages the psyche of BOTH men and women. So please, please, please ask yourself if you are putting half the world in a box. And if you are, try to understand why that’s not okay.

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Oh and I forgot the most fucked up part of this all. The people spreading this rhetoric are very often doing so in comment sections of people asking for genuine help. Sadboi James comes on here because his heart was broken. And everybody tells James that whoever broke his heart doesn’t matter and she is a waste of his time. How tf do you know that when you know nothing about her? The “numbers game” philosophy is fine if it could truly be limited to meaningless sex, but it clearly is not. It is fucking up how you think about and treat people.

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WOMEN ARE NOT ALL THE SAME PLEASE STOP TELLING ANYBODY OTHERWISE.

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View Reddit by pitacutintotrianglesView Source

I think cold approaching is (mostly) a waste of time

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I’ve been reading some accounts of number -> lay rates on this subreddit, and generally it seems to be about 1 in 200. That means if you’re approaching 5 girls per hour, it’s going to take 40 hours to get laid assuming that *every* girl gives you her number. Obviously 40 hours of cold approaching is going to make you a tough motherfucker, but I think beside that the cost outweighs the benefit.

Why don’t you join some events / meetups in your city instead? For example [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) events, wine/cofffee/whatever tasting classes, art events which normally have alcohol receptions. I live in London so I go to these events about 3 hours per week. Here are some of my reasons for reducing your time cold approaching to hit up some of these events:

* They’re all related to things I’m interested in so even if I don’t get a number I still got to work on a hobby / learn something. However if I hit it off with a girl I’ll ask for her number.
* The approach -> lay ratio is much higher because you already interacted extensively over something you’re both passionate about, and *gasp* guess what, some girls also go to these events because they’re horny and/or want to meet a cool guy.
* I’ve averaged about 2 numbers a week from these places — that’s about 3 hours of my time per week. Normally I’ll ask them out in a frame that’s very obviously a date, and about 30% of the time I’ll land the date. I’m not sure how many of those dates end up as lays, but it’s generally been once every couple of months. That’s 1 lay for every 24 hours I put in, which is better than the 40 hours of cold approach work — and I got to do some cool stuff in the meantime. I’m a busy guy so that’s enough for me, but if you were going to these events every day you could ramp it up much more.
* You’re not going to get the reputation as “that guy” at these events if you live in a big city, because the turnover rate of people attending is so high.

Now the reason I say (mostly) a waste of time is because there are times where the universe just aligns and you’d be stupid not to approach someone. For example I was reading a Murakami book in a cafe about 6 months back, and the girl who sat down next to me also pulled out a Murakami book. That was a no-brainer.

If you’ve read those points and still think there’s more value in cold approaching, please let me know your thoughts.

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View Reddit by JDillaLikesDonutsView Source

(dating a co-worker) I jumped the gun and acted needy when I heard she had feelings for me

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Dated a co-worker a few months back and she broke it off because she wasn’t ready to date in work again.(she dated some one from our job before me) I read a few books started improving myself acted confident teased her and everything. me, Her and a mutual work friend have drinks on Wednesdays. Last Wednesday I said I had plans I really didn’t but I wanted to seem like a busy guy with a lot of shit going on. Her friend said you really should of come this time. The girl I liked told the friend she thinks she has feelings for me. So I “canceled” my plans like a fool showed up anyway. When I had a moment alone with her I asked her out but I was drunk and being a little pushy I said stuff like I will pursue you relentlessly(thinking about what I said make me cringe). She was hesitant and said she can’t date anyone at work right now. She gave me a bunch of excuses. Her friend said I asked her out to soon.

I’m really just venting because I feel like I fucked up pretty bad. It’s only been a few days since. We used to tease each other a lot and it really has not been the same at work since. She is like a perfect 10 imo so it makes it even harder.

Any advice would be appreciated.

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View Reddit by Yes_no_throw_View Source