I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?

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Hi guys. I’m hoping this post helps both me and any of you in the same situation. That’s why I’ve decided to add all these details.

I must have cold approached at least 1000 girls by this point. I’ve gotten into several relationships (shorter- and longer-term) and lots of lays (about 120) in the past with cold approaches, but I suspect much of it was attributed to my decent looks and youthful energy/charm. As I’ve reached 32 years old, however, I find things aren’t as consistent as they used to be, despite me being the most driven I’ve ever been, in the best shape of my life, and the most interesting, confident and best overall person I’ve ever been.

Some advice I got from the Good Looking Loser (website) a long time ago was:
Step 1. Look as good as you can
Step 2. Talk to girls
That’s basically what I’ve been doing my entire life and it really helped me simplify my approach to game. It kind of permitted me to NOT game, if that makes sense. I just talked like a normal person. It worked really well, till now. I’ve always been much more inclined to do “direct/normal/natural game” rather than “game game” (you know what I mean?). Example of a typical approach: “Hi. I saw you from across the room/street/venue and you look nice. I’m Max. Are you single?” I’ve done this so many times that even hard rejections are as emotionally tough to deal with as doing dishes. Fear of rejection = practically zero. In fact, I’m at the point now that some rejections are positively relieving, because at least then I won’t be walking around the rest of the day wondering if that girl was my soulmate or whatever.

About a month ago, after I realized how poorly I’ve been doing the past half year, I decided to make a tally of girls I’ve asked out. After every approach, I write down if the result was “no/not single” or “yes/gave number”. Then I have to wait for a few days or a week to see if the “yes” girls followed through with a date. The current tally so far is 40 girls asked out: 30 “no” and 10 “yes” but only 4 of the “yes” girls went on a date with me. This made me realize that my text game must be abysmal, and/or the initial interaction was off on my end. Maybe not enough rapport in the initial convo, I don’t know, I’ve always been bad with external game (or as most people call it, “game”).

I must mention that I’m aware 40 approaches in 1 month might be very low if you’re going with the “approach every girl you see” method, but I only approach girls I’m genuinely very attracted to and I’m pretty much done with approach anxiety, so I don’t need the practice anymore.

I must stress that in most of the interactions with girls who initially said yes to number/date, then later flaked/ghosted on me, they were VERY enthusiastic and attracted in person. I’m certain of this because of my experience and their obvious interest and flirting. No doubt about it whatsoever. Some of these girls were practically jumping with joy (it was mutual). Then something happens between that brief interaction and the text conversation that I can’t pinpoint. And here I am on reddit because I don’t want to repeat the exact same action/process over and over again my whole life expecting different results. I have to adapt and improve.

There’s a reason I wrote my notch number. 120 is a pretty big number to most guys, yes, I’m aware of that. But I’m starting to realize that I relied on my decent looks and optimistic/youthful energy my whole life without working on actual inner game or outer game as much. I’ve especially neglected outer game because most outer game seemed too robotic and inorganic but I’m finally open to begin practicing actual game so long as it doesn’t involve deceit or manipulation or any of that weird “look at my hand, now imagine it’s a cube, now imagine a horse OK NOW LOOK I HAVE A DICK!” kind of thing.

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My basic question is this. If overcoming approach anxiety is the first major step to achieve in seduction, then when one has overcome approach anxiety, what is the next direct step after that? Step TWO (of the never-ending learning process)? I want to view this as a linear path or progression, if you will.

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TL;DR: Used to be a motherfuckin pimp lol not really but my notch number is higher than the average guy despite not having much actual game skills or social aptitude (extremely clumsy and often lucky game).

I feel as though I’ve finally and completely overcome approach anxiety.

I’m having trouble closing dates from cold approaches lately despite being the best person I’ve ever been and getting very good initial attraction and phone text message engagement.

Regretting not practicing actual (outer) game many years ago.

Wondering what the next direct step is in this journey after overcoming approach anxiety.

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LOL

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LOL

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“Fuck it” and today I passed my own shit test :)

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Hey Lads

Thought I share my experience with you guys today

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I work part-time as a contractor. Today I was working all day with drywall and paint. I finished work around 5 pm and headed home. I remembered that I had to get something from the supermarket on the way home (where this one good looking girl works at that I had my eyes on for a bit, but never got the chance to ask her out, logistically, we met once, but I didn’t really know her) , as soon as I thought that, anxiety started to kick in because I’m in my work clothes, which make me look homeless. They are covered in paint, half my face is white, my hands are dotted with paint, my t-shirt with a pretty visible hole, and is covered in white and green paint, my old sweat pants look like a failed Kayne West Fashion Line (I didn’t look homeless per say but I on the inside I felt like I was wayyy under dressed and groomed to go out to a place where she might be). I was driving down the street where the supermarket is located, I had two choices, keep going, or turn left into the supermarket. As I was getting closer and closer to the turn, my anxiety amped up, but then I thought to myself “How can I achieve my goals if I can’t even face my fears, or care so much for a judgment of a girl that I barley know”. I said “Fuck it”, and turned left. Idk wtf happened but as soon as I got out of the car and into the store, I felt so fucking alive. I walked into that store and in my head I was the baddest most awesome homeless looking mothefucker in that store. I got the things I needed and headed to checkout. Im standing in the line and another cashier opens up, so I walked right into it, grabbed a pack of gum and put my things onto the lad, without looking at the cashier. As soon as I look up, its the fcking girl that I had my eye on. She smiles and greets me. I feel anxiety kicking in, but then , I just said “fuck it, Im already here, no way out now”. We exchanged few minor words, then I thought “Fuck it” again. I asked her if she would like to grab dinner sometime. She smiles and doesn’t say anything. I try look at my phone out of just not trying to look like I failed, just playing it off. She then gives me change and the receipt. I felt a bit down as I’m walking out, but then I realize that I just asked out a girl looking homeless , which I hadn’t had the balls to do looking dressed up and groomed. After realizing that, I felt that wave of aliveness again. I look at the receipt to make sure I didnt pay for anything twice, and at the bottom right corner is a phone number with a smiley face. I lost it that moment, and couldn’t believe it. Don’t get me wrong, looks do matter to an extend , but its all about that CORE-CONFIDENCE. I saw myself way worse than she saw me, and I feel like this is a trap where a lot of guys fall into. Believe in yourself boys!!

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CORE-CONFIDENCE and you will pass any shit test, even your own 🙂

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