I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?


Hi guys. I’m hoping this post helps both me and any of you in the same situation. That’s why I’ve decided to add all these details.

I must have cold approached at least 1000 girls by this point. I’ve gotten into several relationships (shorter- and longer-term) and lots of lays (about 120) in the past with cold approaches, but I suspect much of it was attributed to my decent looks and youthful energy/charm. As I’ve reached 32 years old, however, I find things aren’t as consistent as they used to be, despite me being the most driven I’ve ever been, in the best shape of my life, and the most interesting, confident and best overall person I’ve ever been.

Some advice I got from the Good Looking Loser (website) a long time ago was:
Step 1. Look as good as you can
Step 2. Talk to girls
That’s basically what I’ve been doing my entire life and it really helped me simplify my approach to game. It kind of permitted me to NOT game, if that makes sense. I just talked like a normal person. It worked really well, till now. I’ve always been much more inclined to do “direct/normal/natural game” rather than “game game” (you know what I mean?). Example of a typical approach: “Hi. I saw you from across the room/street/venue and you look nice. I’m Max. Are you single?” I’ve done this so many times that even hard rejections are as emotionally tough to deal with as doing dishes. Fear of rejection = practically zero. In fact, I’m at the point now that some rejections are positively relieving, because at least then I won’t be walking around the rest of the day wondering if that girl was my soulmate or whatever.

About a month ago, after I realized how poorly I’ve been doing the past half year, I decided to make a tally of girls I’ve asked out. After every approach, I write down if the result was “no/not single” or “yes/gave number”. Then I have to wait for a few days or a week to see if the “yes” girls followed through with a date. The current tally so far is 40 girls asked out: 30 “no” and 10 “yes” but only 4 of the “yes” girls went on a date with me. This made me realize that my text game must be abysmal, and/or the initial interaction was off on my end. Maybe not enough rapport in the initial convo, I don’t know, I’ve always been bad with external game (or as most people call it, “game”).

I must mention that I’m aware 40 approaches in 1 month might be very low if you’re going with the “approach every girl you see” method, but I only approach girls I’m genuinely very attracted to and I’m pretty much done with approach anxiety, so I don’t need the practice anymore.

I must stress that in most of the interactions with girls who initially said yes to number/date, then later flaked/ghosted on me, they were VERY enthusiastic and attracted in person. I’m certain of this because of my experience and their obvious interest and flirting. No doubt about it whatsoever. Some of these girls were practically jumping with joy (it was mutual). Then something happens between that brief interaction and the text conversation that I can’t pinpoint. And here I am on reddit because I don’t want to repeat the exact same action/process over and over again my whole life expecting different results. I have to adapt and improve.

There’s a reason I wrote my notch number. 120 is a pretty big number to most guys, yes, I’m aware of that. But I’m starting to realize that I relied on my decent looks and optimistic/youthful energy my whole life without working on actual inner game or outer game as much. I’ve especially neglected outer game because most outer game seemed too robotic and inorganic but I’m finally open to begin practicing actual game so long as it doesn’t involve deceit or manipulation or any of that weird “look at my hand, now imagine it’s a cube, now imagine a horse OK NOW LOOK I HAVE A DICK!” kind of thing.


My basic question is this. If overcoming approach anxiety is the first major step to achieve in seduction, then when one has overcome approach anxiety, what is the next direct step after that? Step TWO (of the never-ending learning process)? I want to view this as a linear path or progression, if you will.


TL;DR: Used to be a motherfuckin pimp lol not really but my notch number is higher than the average guy despite not having much actual game skills or social aptitude (extremely clumsy and often lucky game).

I feel as though I’ve finally and completely overcome approach anxiety.

I’m having trouble closing dates from cold approaches lately despite being the best person I’ve ever been and getting very good initial attraction and phone text message engagement.

Regretting not practicing actual (outer) game many years ago.

Wondering what the next direct step is in this journey after overcoming approach anxiety.


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They all want chads


If you a chad

everything will be okay !!!!

You were born lucky !

Im a beta and I went clubbing for the first time

wow man i suck

any advice


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One Year Later


Hey Seddit,

I made a promise to myself a year ago tomorrow (3/17/18) to make this post, trying to provide value back to the community for everything that helped me climb out of my shell. It won’t be perfect, but it’s real and it’s something that actually helped flip a switch in my head when I started this journey.

One year ago I was browsing Seddit and read (I wish I bookmarked it) about a person who was a virgin for a long time, unhappy and overall just felt lost. Each year of my life it felt a bit crazy to me to be x age and having only ever even kissed two girls in my life, let alone more. Seemed like a stigma, no one I knew was like that. But here’s this random guy on the internet letting it out there that it didn’t stop him, so why should I let it stop me? So I made a promise to myself that one year later I would have had a girlfriend and gotten over my insecurities around women. I couldn’t have guessed how far I’d come in a year…

Back it up real quick if you’re reading this. I was your reddit poster boy gamer geek when I was a kid. Online friends, only a few in the real world. I started drinking at 14 as a way to interact socially with people because I couldn’t admit I was uncomfortable sober. By the time I got to college I had given up and just focused on the ‘what’s’ in my life (grades, scholarship, job, title, money, etc). It was another distraction from the pain of friendships I lacked and women I felt I didn’t deserve to interact with or who would find me irritating. Let me clarify as well, I was a bit of a dick as a self defense mechanism if people rejected me. Everything in my life came easy except people. I had excuses for every reason people didn’t like me except the problems inside. I turned 25 and flipped 180 into probably my closest point to real depression, not doing anything but working 80 hours a week to keep my mind occupied. That year I pulled the rip cord on life and bought a condo somewhere new and just poured my heart into building something I called mine. I got a dog not long after and she melted me down. I met a couple friends to socialize with. I hit the gym 3-4 days a week for at least an hour and bought new clothes. I observed people and tried to emulate the ones I liked.

After two years of ‘fixing me’ I almost broke down again because it felt like everything was going great but women had still not clicked and entered my life. Guy friends did, my family did. People loved to talk to me with my dog. Why no relationships even though I was ‘trying’? So I came here and read a little bit… then I read some more. Finally starting to journal my adventure.

I won’t go through every interaction, where I was or how it went here. If people are interested I might continue this, it’s just a layman’s wall of text as part of my next step in my journey. But suffice to say, I set goals every single step of the way. I was on every dating app, I was at bars 2-3 days a week. I was getting my friends to push me until I was comfortable going out solo (and might I add, I LOVE solo game more than group now). I met one girl, got a date and a second date and lost her. Then I journaled why. Needy, insecure, too much communication from me (today I see signs of what I’d disqualify her for too, but I didn’t know as much). Then I set a goal, next girl I met would be in my life twice as long (two whole weeks!).

So by now it’s May and I had my first bar pickup, met her a week before and this time I went on the dance floor and danced with her. Kissed her right there like a scared fool. But we went out after… and the second time was at my place where I got my first taste of why people play this game. In the end I lost her too, needy, insecure, too much communication but I also did a lot of things right by being confident sometimes and bold. Journaled it all, was drunk for a week to get over my oneitis (in one of my pages I literally thought it was love… hahaha) and moved on. This is where I started getting a bit lucky, I had an international trip lined up after her and I was feeling it. I wanted to interact, I wanted to meet women. I went out there and over 7 days went back with 3 different women I couldn’t even have a complete conversation with. But it all just felt right…

Skip forward months and I rode that confidence back home having regular dates lined up every other weekend-ish, sometimes 2-3 women at a time until I had a couple FWBs regularly. I got over my intimacy issues, I had really learned the art of logistics and changing venues within proximity of homebase. I fixed my neediness with abundance, I fixed my insecurity with desire from the women I was with (selfish, but real) and I fixed my communications by simply being aloof and busy. I’m not an expert, I probably will never go out and “sarge” on demand, but I’m finally happy and comfortable.

Now when I go out I see who is looking at me. I can introduce others and help wing for people. And I know what I want, which is the relationship I’ve found with a woman that just gets me. I’m still me, but the best version of me. My job has been better, people have been looking at me for promotions and new initiatives. My friendships are stronger. It’s just… crazy. And this sub played a part in it, so anyone who contributes here… thank you.

I don’t think I can tl;dr this, but if you skipped to the bottom I’d like to think the people that would appreciate this post in its entirety are those of you reading who were like me. Lonely 20’s guys trying to find their place in the world and someone by their side. We can do anything we set our mind to, we just have to go out there and do it over and over and over again. Perseverance pays off.


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Extremely harsh rejection


So today I raised my rejection bar to the next level. It was very harsh it’s sort of painful and hilarious at the same time so I gotta share.

So me and my friends went out to this night club, and i did what I think works best, talking to different group of girls on the club, from one to another. Spreading good vibes and creating passive attraction. All the interactions were going well until I approached a pair of girls who I talked to before earlier but I couldn’t quite remember their faces.

The first thing I said was “Oh ……did I talk to you before?” and they flipped. They were so offended because I don’t remember their faces despite the good interaction we had before. And when I tried to confront them, they said they have been watching me talking to so many girls that it seems kinda shady. And therefore they are not interested in talking to me.

Now I still got a positive mindset about the whole situation like it will pass and everything, but the reaction was so weird to me, like is it that rude that you forgot somebody’s faces? The rejection felt so personal and that it’s not very easy to just let it go right away. What are you guys thoughts on this?


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Follow up to hook up one week later


Picked up this girl on the bus to the city I live in and asked her to hang the next day, we bung yeuh, and she went back home to the state we’re both originally from. It’s been a week, we had a couple texts after she left my place that night (she initiated) and it’s been all quiet on the western front since then.

I want to continue seeing this girl whether that means banging her or seeing what else comes, so I’m asking for advice on whether I should hit her up or leave it be until we’re both in the same place. Thanks!


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STOP Chasing girls around like a little puppy


Nothing pisses me off like seeing guys follow girls around like a little puppy.

I probably get triggered so much because I see my “old self” in them.

Here’s my little advice for guys who struggle with this.




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Humour is One of the Most Important Traits to Flirt With Women – A Quick Guide about Why & How


Humour is One of the Most Important Traits to Flirt With Women – A Quick Guide about Why & How


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Is being a cute guy better than being a hot guy?


We all know that a cute girl would be more desired than a hot one since the hot one would often be seen as “already having options” and “too high maintenance”. Would there be a similar thing for men in the eyes of women? I’m not talking about personality, just looks alone.


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21 Kissless virgin with conflicting confidence issues


I feel like there is something I’m missing that is keeping me from making any kind of connection with women. I’ve spent a lot of time on self improvement the past couple of years. I work out, I have plenty of friends and I’m moderately social. I assumed that these things would just naturally attract at least one girl but to no avail. Some people I’ve talked to were really surprised that I’ve never had a girlfriend, adding to my confusion of what I’m doing wrong. I’m confident in my looks and personality but have nothing to show for it. I kinda feel like a hollow statue.
I think the biggest problem is that I’m never really around women. I’m in a medical cohort for college and I am not interested in any of the girls at all. Most of my days are spent in school or studying. All of my friends are guys and I don’t go out very often. So my exposure to dateable women is small and sparse. I’m just kinda lost and not sure what to do.


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