How does an inexperienced 31 year old get started?


Like the title says I’m 31 and have almost no relationship experience, have been single for 10 years, and can count on two ands how many times I’ve had sex in the past 10 years. I’ve been addicted to porn most of my life and am working on quitting and doing semen retention but it’s making me go insane. I’m currently on day 42 and the only thing on my mind is how do Iget better with women.

I have no idea where to start, or if I even should start before my brain is rewired and healed from my addiction (I’m worried that might take too long though and I’ve already gone this long without sex and dating that I’m not going to get any better if I don’t do something). So, as a clueless man in his early 30s with basically no confidence or idea how to flirt or approach or anything, where should I start?


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Interesting predicament. Complete noob on casual hookups, but tonight may be my first.


Preface: My wife and I are open and swingers. My wife is the the lead when it comes to seduction and I have never causally hooked up with anyone by myself. We’ve also only hooked up with friends. I’ve always dated a bit before hooking up, but that was years ago.


I’ve been looking for couples and women for us to hook up with as a couple. My wife is hosting ladies night at our place tonight, and on a whim, I messaged a woman we matched with on a hookup app. She was interested in getting to know the both of us. Messaging went cold when I tried to move to texting to get more pictures to show my wife to see if she was interested. I told her that my wife was kicking me out of the house and I was looking for something to do.

To my surprise, she responded and said I could head over. Now, in the unlikely event she follows through with her address, I’m at a complete loss on how to approach this situation.

The possibility of hooking up is definitely there. I’m just not sure how to establish flirting, contact, and moving from there. I don’t want to come on too strong, but I also don’t want to rely on her making the first move.

How do you guys approach a potential hookup on first contact at your or her place?


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List of date ideas?


Hey lads,

One of the most challenging things in dating, I find, is to constantly come up with interesting dates. Are there any /r/seduction approved lists of date ideas out there? Thank you so much! 🙂


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Do attractive girls get approached more often at clubs/bars?


Background: I always have been very insecure, mostly because I never really had a boyfriend (I am 23 🙈)

However, lately I have been going out to some bars / clubs and I notice I get approached by a lot of guys. Last night it even got annoying, guy after guy was talking to me and I just wanted to dance haha. Also another guy came up to me and said something like you’re really beautiful but you don’t know it/are shy and that he found that sexy? lol

Does this mean anything, like do guys just approach every girl or only the ones they find attractive?

Sorry if this sounds like bragging, but it is a genuine question. I’m not used to getting attention


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Why despite reading so much about pickup girls can still pick you as a wanker instantly


It seems most men want some bullshit “high-potency, simple mental trick to make her wet” routines to repeat because “they work”. These routines, tricks and systems sold by pickup artists are like a foreign language phrasebook. I am not saying these products, or my own, are they fake. However, they are designed to make things easy for you and as a result if you aren’t careful your learning will be extremely superficial.


If you set out to learn what I’ll coin as “travellers’ pickup” where you memorise key phrases, words, and cultural information from the guidebook, you may achieve passable status but even then you’ll be pretty limited in what you can achieve. I’d suggest you undertake the much harder task of learning the language fluently – Instead of memorising key phrases you don’t really understand enough to pick apart, or apply in other contexts. You cannot expect to go on holiday for a visit a place and understand how it all works. I think you’ll find that wherever you go, or whichever subculture you look at, the locals get what they want with ease while tourists are quickly identified and generally viewed as wankers. Wankers to be exploited. Examples may include charging tourists more for a taxi ride, or maybe telling a guy to buy her a drink. If you want to blend in with the locals, earning their trust and respect, you must immerse yourself in their culture and learn their traditions and ways. Basically learning to blend in and operate seamlessly in any culture involves having to go native at some point.


You have to go native for a while but that doesn’t mean you have to enjoy every aspect of it. Living arrangements may be uncomfortable and crowded for example in India where they have large families, whilst in the West you may find yourself in the traditional dirty and overcrowded college share house. Tolerate it. You may think that their worship of religious idols is ridiculous but beware that failure to take proceedings seriously can have consequences. It pays to not act like a dickhead as they light candles in front of a shrine in their living room. I have found many women idolise and worship Jeffery Star (google it if you don’t know) from experience I have learned the hard way – never mock their idols. Cuisine is central to many cultures, in some cultures you must be careful to use the correct fork during a meal. In others it is apparently traditional to eat with ones hands messily in order to avoid being sick as they “drank a lot and haven’t eaten all day” vomiting appeared to be acceptable but not integral to the bonding process in this case.


All joking aside as far as humanity goes the way people behave and interact can vary wildly. You are probably interested in understanding how to interact with women effectively. There is no way to learn this, as with any society or culture or group of people, without exposure and practice. So please, try not to treat my work, or any other PUA’s as a sort of phrasebook for getting around. If you do you won’t see much improvement. It is also a waste of the underlying social skills which have so much more potential outside of putting your dick into things.

Edit: **for those who don’t get it: what I am saying is that learning pickup is like becoming familiar with a foreign culture. Crowded housing is a constant across two entirely different cultures and settings. Or within one culture the way we eat changes depending on the environment. There will strange ways things contrast and overlap with various settings, girls and situations. Book learning is just a guide. The only way you’ll be able to learn to integrate and apply conflicting concepts or advice in pickup and have it become natural to you is with real world experience even though it will seem scary and strange and frankly weird at times. Go talk to girls.**


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[FR] April 2018 – Hollywood – How I overcame fear of Physical Escalation – The FR I will never forget..


I am writing my most significant FRs that I have never put into words. The reason why I have never written these is because I was having so much fun at the time, that writing them down was the last thing I was thinking about. Months before this particular FR, I was struggling to physically escalate with girls that I would meet and eventually go on a date with. I lost 4-5 girls that I would go on a date with and while everything was on point, eye contact, body language, the way I was talking to her, the way I’d pass shit tests, etc etc were on point. Yet, I was still losing these girls after the 1st-2nd date. I didn’t know what it was that was turning them away. Come to find out, it was my physical escalation. This is the FR where I overcame my sticking point.


**WARNING to everyone: Before you read this FR, know that it is NSFW**


It was a late Saturday night in Hollywood. I had 2 wings who were down to go out to an 18+ club with me that night. I met up with my wings G and M outside of the club and we were prepared to have a great night.

Now I have a good history with these wings. We’ve had some successful sets that went well and I’ve had the experience of instant double dating individually with each wing, so I was very confident in our ability to wing one another.

This night I wanted to push my comfort zone and potentially make progress on physical escalation. I had read and watched hours of game content and I was ready to implement what I learned. Plus the previous experience outlined in []( really gave me that extra confidence to initiate physical escalation.

Fast forward to the club. Wing G had disappeared into the crowd after approaching a set; we were unable to find him. Me and wing M were hitting up group sets left and right and were having lots of fun just hanging out and gaming.

Half way into the night at around 11pm-12am, I see a two set, a blonde HB9 and a brunette HB9 sitting on a couch on the patio of this club. Both were wearing nice tight black laced dresses. These girls were ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. They were the types that you would picture to have learned game and went to hell and back for. If you’ve ever been to LA and see a drop dead gorgeous girl you’ll understand what I’m talking about. I’ve had reference experience in the past of dating girls like this, so I did not flinch and was not intimidated.

I looked at wing M because it was time for us to cold approach.

Wing M went in first (We took turns being the one to do the first approach and I had already went in the previous set). He asks the girls if they are from the area, to which Brunette HB9 replies,”We live here.” Wing M chats with them for about 1 minute building comfort, doing some push pull, and gets to know them.

I then go into set and introduce myself and explain that me and wing M are good friends. Both blonde HB9 and brunette HB9 smiled and seemed to be receptive to both of us. I then do a cold read,” You two look like you’re really good friends too, you probably have known each other for a long time.” Brunette HB9 looks at Blonde HB9,” Yeah I met her at the beach and we’ve been hanging out ever since.” We all chat for a little bit.

Brunette HB9 then looks at me and says,” Hey I need help untying my laces on my boots.” I knew this was the moment to seize the opportunity for some physicality.

Brunette HB9 raises her leg and motions me to help her untie her laces. I put my hands on her left leg (which is slightly raised) and I go in and try to undo them and struggle (Those things were in a very awkwardly tight knot that would not budge!! lol). I use this as an opportunity to physically escalate. I run my hand on her leg while chatting with her. She doesn’t seem to mind that I’m touching her at all, and to my surprise, was even ENJOYING IT. I couldn’t believe it. I was with this gorgeous girl who I had known for only 2 minutes and already I was touching and vibing with her and she was into it. It’s moments like this that keeps me going and gets me to never stop pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

**Now wing M sees what I’m doing and actually sits down RIGHT NEXT TO Brunette HB9 and gets close to her.**

I wasn’t surprised or upset in this moment. We had rules that we followed when winging with one another.

Who ever starts the set, gets first pick.

(I also didn’t mind since Blonde HB9 was stunning in her own right.)

When wing M sat right next to Brunette HB9, I knew that this was the signal that he chose this girl, so I respected his decision. I put down Brunette HB9’s leg and say,” It’s hard to untie it (the boot lace), maybe you should try” to wing M.

I then proceed to smile at Blonde HB9 and sit on the opposite side to her. She is smiling and receptive to me as well. (I also had a lot of social proof from brunette HB9). I tease and get to know blonde HB9; She was 19, going to a prominent university in the area who was majored in ballet. (I melted inside when I got to know her more.) She had moved here from out of state and loved ballet. After about 45 seconds, I could tell that this girl was into me. Eye contact was solid, body language was good, she was engaged in the conversation, **It was time to escalate.**

**Life’s all about taking risks**

I make solid eye contact with blonde HB9. I stare into her deeply and look down at her lips (Triangular gaze). I say softly,”Hey, ever since I’ve met you, I’ve been wondering something.” She gazes at me with her deep blue eyes as if to ask what it was that I was wondering. (My heart is pounding out of my chest at this point). I say softly “Are you a good kisser?” I pause and she looks at me and smiles with her perfect shiny teeth,” I’m a great kisser, I have lots of experience.” Without hesitating I whisper to her right ear,” Show me.” As I put my right hand on her face and lightly pull her in. She lounges at me and we make out. I couldn’t believe it.

Now in the past I dated an older girl who was 7 years my senior. She had been the best kisser I have ever experienced. She did movements with her tongue that would make me 10x more turned on than when I first started.

I remembered this technique and used it on blonde HB9. Blonde HB9 moans and lays back on the couch. I go in even more intensely, with my upper body on top of hers. I pause, go in and give her some neck kisses and proceed to run my right hand on her left arm. I could hear her slightly moaning quietly even more.

(Now mind you, I was in the patio of a Hollywood club, with LOTS of people walking back and forth and we were on a couch in the middle of a WELL LIT patio RIGHT NEXT TO HER FRIEND with wing M. At this point they both notice what’s going on.) But I didn’t notice where we were or other people because it didn’t matter. I was just making out with the hottest girl in the club and didn’t care about my surroundings. This was fucking cool.)

I go back to making out with her intensely. Her face became more and more red. I slowly ran my right hand on her body as we were going at it. Then a thought occurs to me. I have been touching this girl so much and was getting ZERO RESISTANCE. I thought to myself “Fuck it, I’m going to see where this goes.” I escalate even more.

My right hand is now over her boobs, caressing them. She moans even more. I go back and forth to giving neck kisses to making out, to touching her. She’s enjoying it so much. Now I make a really bold move (just to see how far I could take it.) I stop making out with her, with my hand I pull out her boobs from her dress and start sucking them in front of EVERYONE. She was in pure ecstasy. She was moaning all over the place and I couldn’t believe it. This girl who was a stranger 5 mins ago is now doing things she would never do with someone who she wasn’t comfortable with. I stop, put her boobs back in her dress and slowly started to kiss her neck and lips once more.

At this point I move my hand to her legs. I slowly caress them and move my hands slowly towards her private area. I make sure to not touch that area, but move my hands back and forth between both her legs and inner thighs. She’s loving it. I could hear her moaning more passionately now.

(Later on wing M told me that Brunette HB9 says to him,”Oh my, look at what their doing.” To which he replied,” Yeah, why aren’t we doing that?” and they then both proceed to make out. Solid win for both of us)

I stop caressing her legs and make out with her more intensely than I’ve ever done before.Now for those of you that know me, know that I’m all about consent lol (It was 2018 afterall.) At this point I pull a move so far out of left field, I’m still in disbelief that I did this. I stop making out with her. WITH MY RIGHT HAND I put my index and middle finger together in a fashion. I make sure that she sees this first, and then I slowly proceed to stick them near her mouth. SHE THEN OPENS HER MOUTH AND STARTS SUCKING THEM. At this point, in my head I felt like I was in a porno (No fucking joke). I thought to myself,”Damn I learned this from the internet.” LOL. I then pull my fingers out of her mouth and start making out with her again. This time my right hand is getting closer and closer to her private area. She starts to breathe heavier and heavier. I rub the outside of her panties as she is layed back on the couch. After a few seconds, THIS GIRL PULLS HER PANTIES TO THE SIDE AND LETS ME FINGER THE HELL OUT OF HER.

This goes on for a couple minutes and I was just enjoying the moment. I had forgotten where I was, who I was with, or what ever else was going on. This girl was moaning all over the place in pure ecstasy. I had only met her about 15 minutes ago and already she was laying on the couch and couldn’t get enough of me. Suddenly I felt two taps on the back of my neck. I’m making out with Blonde HB9 still and didn’t want to stop, so I just look up at her friend and Wing M. They look like they’re both shocked, and wing M taps me on the right shoulder as I go back to do what I was doing. Then I competely stop because I felt like someone was standing over me. I look up and this bald fucking bouncer gives both me and Blonde HB9 a smirk and says,” When is my turn?” I was completely dumbfounded at what I just heard. Blonde HB9 stops making out with me, pulls her underwear back and grabs brunette HB9 be the shoulder. I talk to the bouncer trying to convince him that it was my fault and that it won’t happen again. He ignores me and talks to Blonde HB9 and brunette HB9 about them being kicked out of the club. Everyone stands up from the couch.

AT THIS POINT I NOTICE SOMETHING THAT I DIDN’T NOTICE BEFORE ABOUT Blonde HB9. She was towering over me!! This girl was about 6’3 with her heels on. I never noticed how much taller this girl was because she had been sitting and laying on the couch the whole time that I’d known her! Talk about breaking barriers!! This was the first girl that I’d hit on that was significantly taller than me; what’s more is I had gone farther with her than any girl I’d known in 15 mins. I was fucking amazed to say the least. At this point Blonde HB9 was disheveled, red, embarrassed by the bouncer, with her friend holding her right elbow. I tried holding her left hand and and getting her to come with me into the loud club so that we could lose this motherfucker (Bouncer who was a creep). She immediately unholds my hand. I knew that this was over. I sneakily motion Wing M to come with me. In a flash of 10 seconds, me and wing M disappeared into the crowd, away from both girls and the bouncer.

Later on in the night, since we all had exchanged numbers at some point in the interaction, brunette HB9 told Wing M that they had gotten kicked out of the club by the bouncer.

I was in disbelief the whole night and was so surprised at what just happened. I had executed the fastest kino escalation I’ve ever known. From this moment forward, I knew my physical escalation would no longer be a problem.


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Good hooks to keep the conversation going?


I need good hooks to get the convo going


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