Okay I would never have thought I would ended up on Reddit talking about my dating life, but here we are.. This is not some sob-story about a guy with the most terrible life. Because I am well aware there are some poor souls who have it 100x worse than me. However, to me my situation feels hopeless and I feel like I keep entering the same cycle I cannot seem to crawl out myself alone. I need help
I’m a 26 year old man and I have never had a relationship in my life, while i’ve had sex with over 60 girls. Its clearly me thats in the wrong but I have no idea what i’m doing wrong. I feel like giving up my desire to have a girlfriend and never date any girl again in my whole life.
Okay so to sum up my life in regards to women real quick: I used to be a really shy kid when I was younger. At the age of 14, girls started to notice me. I am a decent looking person and at that age girls started to flirt with me. Being the shy kid I was, I always just assumed they were fucking with me so I never really played along. Even if I wanted, I had no clue how to go at it(like most people at that age). I lost my virginity around the age of 18, by pure chance. I got completely drunk at a party and I was kinda peer-pressured into going to sleep with this girl. She was really attractive to me, so needless to say I was happy we ended up having sex. Two years passed after that, being the same shy kid with no contact with women whatsoever.
At some point I was fed up with my whole situation, so I started looking into pickup books and videos. I started approaching random women in bars, cafés and later on in all kinds of public places, like trains or malls. Never would have thought, but it actually changed my life. I quickly started getting results, and this gave me a lot of confidence. Women would actually respond well (although the countless awkward rejections attributed a lot more to my growth as a person). I went on a lot of dates, lots of them. After a while, I figured out how to present myself in a more charismatic manner and became very skilled at getting these girls to sleep with me, usually within the same day. My ego shot trough the roof as I started viewing myself as some magician who mastered the art of picking up women. It was ridiculous. I slept with girls on a weekly basis, bragging with my mate (who i taught the same stuff) while we exchanged our ”tactics”. I treated women like objects, made them feel worthless, just to ”get back at them” for being the former shy kid I was.
But from the inside, it never really fulfilled me. I felt no connection with these girls, while a lot of them developed feelings for me (also a lot of them didnt, they just wanted a quick fuck as well). After sleeping with them I felt alone. I kept waiting for a girl who would actually made me feel in love. And after 2 years, I actually met a girl who I developed feelings for. It was the first girl in my life I slept with, who i actually loved. It wasnt two-sided. She just came out of a relationship, and told me from the beginning she wanted to take things ”slow”. I understood, I was just happy I could enjoy being with her while it lasted. At some point she dumped me for another guy she met and he became her boyfriend. This hurt me a lot, being left behind and spent months in my bed crying at the loss of her, although I quickly went back to my old routine of mindlessly fucking strangers.
The older I became, the more I realized how meaningless my dating behavior was. I started to slow down (a bit) on the dating, and waited for the right girl who I could actually develop feelings for. The same pattern kept repeating: I stopped dating random girls and waited for a special lady, this waiting would frustrate me as I would never encounter this special girl and I would revert back to my old self of having sex with random women. On the most rare occasions I would find a girl who would actually spark some interest and hope in me.
But here’s the catch, these girls would always end up rejecting me. It feels like I am cursed, I can date women, except the ones I feel for. This pattern has repeated around 8 times in a row now. I would meet a girl, realize how cool she is. We would date for a while, and then she would disappear. If there is karma, this sure is my payback to the same pain I created to all these other women.
Last week I dated a girl, we took it really slow (which is not common to me) and we went on a date. We had a great time, we kissed and did not have sex. When she left I already knew the same thing would happen. She would abandon me. And she did. I spent the whole evening crying. Not at the loss of this girl, but at the knowledge that the same pattern will happen again. I am done with dating any girl. I was done with all the meaningless sex a long time ago. But whenever I do find some meaning, it ends up abandoning me, leaving me empty. I have no idea how to break this pattern. I just want to have a relationship with a girl I can actually develop feelings for, treat her well and be myself around. If anyone could offer me some sincere advice I would love to hear it. I am desperate and feel hopeless right now, ready to give up dating girls alltogether.
View Reddit by AlfaBundy – View Source