My Golden Rule of pickup and how it helped me overcome approach anxiety.

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Yesterday I made [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b224z9/almost_4_years_ago_i_hit_rock_bottom_with_my_love/) about my experience in game. Most of the feedback you gave me was about the last point, so I wanted to create a new post to expand on it further.

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My Golden Rule for pickup is simple: *Leave them better than you found them.* I wish I could take credit for it, but it’s something I heard or read somewhere else. Unfortunately, I can’t remember where. It’s a mantra I carried throughout my time in the game and it always served me well. So well, in fact, that I have expanded it to include not just the women I approach, but every social interaction I have, be it with a woman or a man.

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But what does it mean to leave them better than you found them and how can you possibly do this with every single person you interact with? Ultimately, it comes down to being a value-giver or a value-taker. I like how John Maxwell puts it when he said you can either be a lifter or a stander. I see every interaction I have with someone as an opportunity to make their life, or even just their day, a little bit better. I can make them laugh, teach them something new, be an ear for them to vent to, or simply give them an enjoyable conversation. There are countless ways you can provide value. If I fail at that, then it’s likely that I’m actually taking value away. If I’m in a bad mood and let that affect my behavior, ask for favors without reciprocating, or use my words to hurt, just to give a few examples, then I’m actively taking value. When I act in such as way, one would be better off not interacting with me at all.

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So, how is all of this talk about value-giving vs value-taking going to help you get over approach anxiety?

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When I first started with game, I would approach a woman and subconsciously be thinking, *Hehehe, I going to go talk to this girl, use the latest techniques I read on seddit, she will think this is actually who I am and she will give me her phone number.* **In other words, I approached women with the intent of taking value from them** (i.e. her attention, her phone number, her time and, if I was lucky, her body). I consider myself a good person, so deep down this didn’t sit well with me, even if at the time I couldn’t explain exactly why. This feeling manifested itself in the form of approach anxiety. I felt bad that I was taking value without providing value in return, so I would get nervous.

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Over time, I noticed changes in myself that changed my interactions with women. I was on a major self-improvement kick. I was trying new things, pursuing hobbies, traveling, making new friends, killing it at work and getting in better physical shape. As a result, my mindset changed when I would make an approach. I felt excited rather than nervous. Eventually, there came one particular approach where before I took my first step, I thought to myself, *this girl doesn’t know it yet, but I’m about to make her night.* That was my light bulb moment .

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Can you see the difference between the two mindsets I had? **As a beginner, I was actively trying to take value and hoping no one would notice. In my new mindset, I was excited to give value.** This is what took my game to the next level. Before I made an approach, I would think, *I don’t know how this interaction will end, but I can guarantee her night will be better for having met me.* Once I had that mindset, approaching was easy.

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How do you access that mindset though? I came about it organically and accidentally by actively trying to improve myself as a person. While I highly recommend trying to grow as a person, you can achieve this mindset by living the mantra stated above: *Leave them better than you found them*. If you walk into every approach with this as your one and only goal, amazing things will happen.

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How do you overcome this.

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I usually open with direct. “Hi i wanted to meet you etc.” Then move the convo on about something witty and keep monkey branching off topics to find something in common. Often I find myself talking fast.

I’m having no success with this. Usually girls make an excuse and leave. Or immediately when I open them they make an excuse to leave.

Please help me out on this shit guys.

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Friendzoned/walked/how to react?

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Girl said maybe when I asked her to a date. I just cut contract for a month – literally nothing. I know she’s pissed as she wrote a criptic message on Instagram saying she don’t care.

I m going to be seeing her in a month – how do I react and act around her? I still like her but I have now realised my value and worth

Thanks

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How to Tell a Girl You LIKE Her? Become Successful With Women

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How to Tell a Girl You LIKE Her? Become Successful With Women


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Why despite reading so much about pickup girls can still pick you as a wanker instantly

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It seems most men want some bullshit “high-potency, simple mental trick to make her wet” routines to repeat because “they work”. These routines, tricks and systems sold by pickup artists are like a foreign language phrasebook. I am not saying these products, or my own, are they fake. However, they are designed to make things easy for you and as a result if you aren’t careful your learning will be extremely superficial.

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If you set out to learn what I’ll coin as “travellers’ pickup” where you memorise key phrases, words, and cultural information from the guidebook, you may achieve passable status but even then you’ll be pretty limited in what you can achieve. I’d suggest you undertake the much harder task of learning the language fluently – Instead of memorising key phrases you don’t really understand enough to pick apart, or apply in other contexts. You cannot expect to go on holiday for a visit a place and understand how it all works. I think you’ll find that wherever you go, or whichever subculture you look at, the locals get what they want with ease while tourists are quickly identified and generally viewed as wankers. Wankers to be exploited. Examples may include charging tourists more for a taxi ride, or maybe telling a guy to buy her a drink. If you want to blend in with the locals, earning their trust and respect, you must immerse yourself in their culture and learn their traditions and ways. Basically learning to blend in and operate seamlessly in any culture involves having to go native at some point.

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You have to go native for a while but that doesn’t mean you have to enjoy every aspect of it. Living arrangements may be uncomfortable and crowded for example in India where they have large families, whilst in the West you may find yourself in the traditional dirty and overcrowded college share house. Tolerate it. You may think that their worship of religious idols is ridiculous but beware that failure to take proceedings seriously can have consequences. It pays to not act like a dickhead as they light candles in front of a shrine in their living room. I have found many women idolise and worship Jeffery Star (google it if you don’t know) from experience I have learned the hard way – never mock their idols. Cuisine is central to many cultures, in some cultures you must be careful to use the correct fork during a meal. In others it is apparently traditional to eat with ones hands messily in order to avoid being sick as they “drank a lot and haven’t eaten all day” vomiting appeared to be acceptable but not integral to the bonding process in this case.

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All joking aside as far as humanity goes the way people behave and interact can vary wildly. You are probably interested in understanding how to interact with women effectively. There is no way to learn this, as with any society or culture or group of people, without exposure and practice. So please, try not to treat my work, or any other PUA’s as a sort of phrasebook for getting around. If you do you won’t see much improvement. It is also a waste of the underlying social skills which have so much more potential outside of putting your dick into things.

Edit: **for those who don’t get it: what I am saying is that learning pickup is like becoming familiar with a foreign culture. Crowded housing is a constant across two entirely different cultures and settings. Or within one culture the way we eat changes depending on the environment. There will strange ways things contrast and overlap with various settings, girls and situations. Book learning is just a guide. The only way you’ll be able to learn to integrate and apply conflicting concepts or advice in pickup and have it become natural to you is with real world experience even though it will seem scary and strange and frankly weird at times. Go talk to girls.**

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