I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?

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Hi guys. I’m hoping this post helps both me and any of you in the same situation. That’s why I’ve decided to add all these details.

I must have cold approached at least 1000 girls by this point. I’ve gotten into several relationships (shorter- and longer-term) and lots of lays (about 120) in the past with cold approaches, but I suspect much of it was attributed to my decent looks and youthful energy/charm. As I’ve reached 32 years old, however, I find things aren’t as consistent as they used to be, despite me being the most driven I’ve ever been, in the best shape of my life, and the most interesting, confident and best overall person I’ve ever been.

Some advice I got from the Good Looking Loser (website) a long time ago was:
Step 1. Look as good as you can
Step 2. Talk to girls
That’s basically what I’ve been doing my entire life and it really helped me simplify my approach to game. It kind of permitted me to NOT game, if that makes sense. I just talked like a normal person. It worked really well, till now. I’ve always been much more inclined to do “direct/normal/natural game” rather than “game game” (you know what I mean?). Example of a typical approach: “Hi. I saw you from across the room/street/venue and you look nice. I’m Max. Are you single?” I’ve done this so many times that even hard rejections are as emotionally tough to deal with as doing dishes. Fear of rejection = practically zero. In fact, I’m at the point now that some rejections are positively relieving, because at least then I won’t be walking around the rest of the day wondering if that girl was my soulmate or whatever.

About a month ago, after I realized how poorly I’ve been doing the past half year, I decided to make a tally of girls I’ve asked out. After every approach, I write down if the result was “no/not single” or “yes/gave number”. Then I have to wait for a few days or a week to see if the “yes” girls followed through with a date. The current tally so far is 40 girls asked out: 30 “no” and 10 “yes” but only 4 of the “yes” girls went on a date with me. This made me realize that my text game must be abysmal, and/or the initial interaction was off on my end. Maybe not enough rapport in the initial convo, I don’t know, I’ve always been bad with external game (or as most people call it, “game”).

I must mention that I’m aware 40 approaches in 1 month might be very low if you’re going with the “approach every girl you see” method, but I only approach girls I’m genuinely very attracted to and I’m pretty much done with approach anxiety, so I don’t need the practice anymore.

I must stress that in most of the interactions with girls who initially said yes to number/date, then later flaked/ghosted on me, they were VERY enthusiastic and attracted in person. I’m certain of this because of my experience and their obvious interest and flirting. No doubt about it whatsoever. Some of these girls were practically jumping with joy (it was mutual). Then something happens between that brief interaction and the text conversation that I can’t pinpoint. And here I am on reddit because I don’t want to repeat the exact same action/process over and over again my whole life expecting different results. I have to adapt and improve.

There’s a reason I wrote my notch number. 120 is a pretty big number to most guys, yes, I’m aware of that. But I’m starting to realize that I relied on my decent looks and optimistic/youthful energy my whole life without working on actual inner game or outer game as much. I’ve especially neglected outer game because most outer game seemed too robotic and inorganic but I’m finally open to begin practicing actual game so long as it doesn’t involve deceit or manipulation or any of that weird “look at my hand, now imagine it’s a cube, now imagine a horse OK NOW LOOK I HAVE A DICK!” kind of thing.

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My basic question is this. If overcoming approach anxiety is the first major step to achieve in seduction, then when one has overcome approach anxiety, what is the next direct step after that? Step TWO (of the never-ending learning process)? I want to view this as a linear path or progression, if you will.

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TL;DR: Used to be a motherfuckin pimp lol not really but my notch number is higher than the average guy despite not having much actual game skills or social aptitude (extremely clumsy and often lucky game).

I feel as though I’ve finally and completely overcome approach anxiety.

I’m having trouble closing dates from cold approaches lately despite being the best person I’ve ever been and getting very good initial attraction and phone text message engagement.

Regretting not practicing actual (outer) game many years ago.

Wondering what the next direct step is in this journey after overcoming approach anxiety.

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Shogun method

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Guys pls share your review on shogun method, and how is it different compared to rsd ?

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How can I get over this incredible pain of knowing I’ve wasted my life (and will continue to do so?)

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Every time I see a pretty girl I get reminded I’m damaged goods.

It’s just so painful to know I’ve squandered my high school and college years and will never get to experience women with a matching level of innocence as me. I’m hardened — I’ve seen too much shit and the wrinkles are on my face (I have to take a moment and laugh at myself here, I’m 21)

But even though it’s a little ridiculous, I feel it in my bones. I look at a girl and I don’t see a human being. I see my emasculation, inadequacy, weakness, and my violent fantasies that mark me as an anomic orphan of society (gotta laugh again here I had great home life in the ‘burbs). Basically, I feel my damage bubble up. It’s so crazy because this happens even a girl is showing interest in me.

This is a neurosis that has caused me many sleepless nights. Seriously.

I can become a charismatic pickup artist, a womanizer, a rich guy that gets anything he wants but I’ll never be normal.

What can I do?

I’d really appreciate the advice of someone who has a few years under them and thinks deeply about the world.

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Pillow princess (Castaic to Sherman Oaks)

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I had a pillow princess but I haven’t seen her in a while and I think she moved back east. I hope she’s alright and I’d love to see her again, but if she’s gone for good I’d be happy to have the same situation with another woman that enjoys receiving …

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Bang bang

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Looking for a buddy to come over just for a bit.
Dude for dude.
Send a face picture.
Six two six six six zero seven nine four three

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Guys Who Only Hookup Rather than Date: How Do You Do It?

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I’m jaded and disillusioned with dating. I typically cold approach women, get their contact info, and take them on actual dates.

It’s exhausting, because as a guy, you have to do all the work of thinking of interesting date ideas and venues and working out the logistics for people who have probably *never* had to set up a date before, and need only wait for somebody to ask them out. And despite all that effort of initiating contact, approaching the person, taking them somewhere, etc. etc., 8/10 will still end up ghosting you somewhere along the way, instead of taking the time to just tell you they aren’t interested in any further dates. The other two will at least have the courtesy to take the two seconds out of their day to let you know they aren’t interested. They will still say things like “You’re a really sweet and caring and considerate guy, I’m just going through a lot of stuff right now and am not ready to date,” only for you to see them with some other more attractive guy in a week’s time when you run into them at some party. But I honestly don’t think women owe me an explanation or justification if they aren’t interested in me. All I ask is that you send a text, a text that need not even explain *why*, rather than just ghosting. It’s literally the least effort anybody could possibly be asked. But eight out of ten won’t even think you’re worth that, because you’re disposable to them and they can easily get a guy whenever they want one.

It seems like the guys who aren’t dating, and are just picking people up and hooking up with them are very content with this. Thus far, I haven’t been looking for anything specific, and have felt that I would be equally content with either finding a girlfriend, or having casual sex. I’ve not had much of an expectation as to whether these dates would lead to long-term dating or something casual.

But with the lack of success I’ve had dating, I no longer want to expend the effort necessary to do it. All I really want to do now is achieve the social validation and physical gratification that comes with being able to have sex with attractive people. Yes, social validation. Of course I’m basing some of my self-esteem on whether attractive people find me desirable enough to actually want me to touch them. I could just derive all of my self-worth from my career or some shit like that, being happy and fulfilled despite never sleeping with attractive people, being content in my place in life as the kind of guy who has to “wait to meet the right person” who will only come when he’s sufficiently successful in his other life endeavours. But I don’t want to do that. I just want to have fun now having consensual sex with attractive people. That’s what I want advice on.

So, how do I do that? And, I do appreciate that you mean well when you say, “don’t worry about that, just work on yourself, have cool hobbies, and be successful, and eventually somebody will come along!”, but that’s advice doesn’t suit my particular aim.

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