One of the things I finds that trips up a lot of guys, is trying to figure out if a girl is interested. To me that’s the wrong question. A girl being interested to one degree or another is really nothing special. If you’re remotely presentable and have some things going for you, some girl at some time is gonna have at least a passing interest in you. Law of large numbers yo. Therefore, the devil is in the details.
Some women like to tell you that they decide whether or not they’re gonna sleep with a guy in five seconds or thirty seconds or two minutes flat. What they really mean is that’s how long it takes them to decide that a guy is attractive, according to their various criteria. Deciding to sleep with them – the fastest I’ve ever experienced was half an hour.
The irony is that often girls do have “sploosh” moments where they decide a guy is bangable almost on the spot, similar to how guys react to decently attractive women. But guys definitely take their take deciding if they’d date a girl. Girls are the same way with sex, as even if they’re intentionally looking just to get laid, their interest level and their trust has to reach a certain level before they’re willing to turn a hypothetical into a reality. Doesn’t matter if you’ve known her for ten years or five minutes.
Knowing where you are with a girl on that pathway is all-important. Another important thing to remember is that girls don’t go through these stages by time, only by feel. Sometimes she’s already primed to talk to you before you even approach her. Sometimes she goes straight from first meeting to “let’s bang” crazy fast. Or sometimes she gets stuck at a level and stays there – more than a few friendzone situations are actually this, just not yours :p
So without further ado, here are the 5 (actually 6) stages of a woman’s sexual interest. Relationship interest is a similar but much broader topic.
**Stage 0: No Interest**
This is where either a girl doesn’t know you exist. This is actually not the worst thing, as it represents a blank slate. What’s worse is where she not only has no interest, but negative interest. You know you’re below this stage when she’s actively avoiding you and its usually a good idea to cut bait and move on before you make it worse and get a restraining order.
– the absence of them
**Stage 1: On Her Radar**
You reach this stage with a girl usually through one of two ways. Either she notices you first, and starts sending approach signals of various intensity. Or you go up and talk to her. Either way, you’ve now made a first impression. That matters, but it’s certainly not the be-all and end-all. Sometimes, if you see a girl around work/school/your normal places, and she keeps sending approach signals, by the time you do approach her, she could already be primed to move to the next stage. The key to getting through this stage is making an impression on her. Some girls respond to a calm and normal approach, maybe a chaste compliment or a joke. And some respond well to polarizing flirting. Either way, this is a surprisingly easy stage to get to.
– approach signals (eye contact, waving, proximity, she opens you etc.)
– she’s willing to be opened
– responds to something you say
– no compliance yet
**Stage 2: Initial Attraction**
Old-school PUAs used to call this the hook point. This where she starts to invest in her interaction with you. You’re past the initial awkwardness of first meeting, and now she has some reason to talk to you. You usually get to this point if she’s already physically attracted to you, or has responded well to some flirtation. This is also where rapport slowly begins to develop. This is also where you should start calibrating to this girl and get the wheel of attraction spinning. You do that through qualifying, screening, teasing, and compliance tests. By this stage she’s willing to invest a little to see if you’re a confident and interesting guy. You know you’re out of this stage when she’s giving you classic IOIs or compliance, or starting to reciprocate the flirtations.
– she talks to you directly and starts giving sustained eye contact
– she gives you classic IOIs like compliments, touching you, or playing with her hair
– she gives limited compliance (is willing to high five you, let you tell her a story, responds to teases/qualification etc.)
– she starts shit-testing you (actually a good thing)
**Stage 3: Moderate Attraction**
By this point, she likes what she sees so far and is starting to view you as a possible option. She’s gone beyond curious and now she wants to see what you’re all about. If you’ve been teasing and qualifying her and she’s giving you compliance, it’s important now to reward that by showing some interest. Or if you opened directly with say a compliment or casual conversation, now you need to start teasing and qualifying. Either way, the important thing now is to keep the wheel of attraction spinning so she becomes open to escalation and closing. By now the touch barrier should be broken. By the time you’re about halfway through or nearing the end of this point, she should be open to isolating herself with you, or giving you her number. If she hasn’t started shit testing you yet, she probably will now. Another important thing to consider is the more rapport you can start to build now, the more open she will be to bigger escalations like asking her out or kissing her. By the end of this stage, you should have her number, some serious sexual tension, and enough rapport that she’ll be open to either physical escalation or meeting up with you later.
– By now she should be doing just as much talking as you, if not more.
– Eye contact is now sustained and the touch barrier is broken.
– Not only are shit tests likely now, she’ll probably start leading the interaction a little as she is now considering you seriously. Let her, just remember to keep her chasing.
– Compliance is much higher now. She’ll wander off with you, give you her number, even start qualifying herself unprompted. All good signs.
**Stage 4: Actively Interested**
Now this is the stage where the rubber meets the road. This is also where the momentum you’ve built up over the past few stages becomes all-important, because this is when she decides whether she’s gonna be physically receptive to you and eventually sleep with you. The classic rookie mistake is to think you’re done attracting her and go straight into rapport-building. Rapport is crucial here, but you also can’t start chasing her or let all the sexual tension dissipate. This is also where leading the interaction becomes all-important, as most girls won’t chase you into the bedroom, they’ll just let you take them there. By this point, you’re hanging out one-on-one and likely heading towards making out. If you got her number and asked her out, she’ll likely be at this stage by the time you get to wherever you’re going out to. This is where seduction becomes a bit of a balancing act and calibration vital as you’ve gotta be able to sniff out what she’s looking for make up her mind. Does she want more rapport she feels comfortable being alone and physically intimate? Is she looking for more attraction to get the sexual tension peaking and help her make sure she’s not making a mistake? Is she looking for you to be confident and respond to her escalation windows?
– By now she’s alone with you and equally invested in the interaction as you are.
– Compliance is high enough that she’ll go out with you, let you touch her, answer personal questions. By the end of this stage, she should willing to let you kiss her, if not sooner.
– Eye contact and touch are your most important IOIs as the former signals rapport and interest, and the latter signals physically attraction and comfort with you on a physical level.
– Vulnerability is also a big deal here. If she starts being vulnerable with you, respect it and respond to it. This means you’re not just some guy anymore, you’re someone that matters to her.
– Escalation windows are the sign that she’s at the end of the stage. Look for things like long lingering looks, dragging you off into someplace private, or for her to start being sexually provocative. If she’s teasing you hard at this stage, it’s often because she wants you to make a move.
**Stage 5: Sold**
By this point, her plausible deniability of sexual interest should be diminishing rapidly. By now you’ve probably kissed her and have started escalating physically. The important thing to do now is keep her in this state and don’t kill the mood. Keep the sexual tension up until you’re in a location where you can hook up – as sexual tension here is actually more important than arousal. Her big concerns at this point is will you get needy as you get closer and closer to hooking up, and not seeming easy. If you’ve practiced good game, built good rapport, and given her sexual affection as a reward, not a demand, then LMR is unlikely. If you haven’t, be on the lookout for it and diagnose it. LMR most often happens because of sexual insecurity or she’s afraid of being a slut. One thing that actually really helps is being vulnerable with her. Just don’t overdo it and make her think you want sex too much. Unless it’s explicitly a one-night-stand, she’s probably also gonna be screening you for boyfriend potential so be on the lookout for it. Sexually teasing her here has a powerful effect on her, as the anticipation will make her hornier and hornier.
– Her compliance level will be a product of your game through the last three stages. Done right, she’ll be more than ready to sleep with you, if not escalating on you. If there is a shortcoming to your game, it will likely emerge here. Recognize it and address it in a non-needy manner.
– She starts screening you as a boyfriend, partly because she’s interested, and partly because she won’t want to be just a booty call.
– By the time you’re in this stage, you should be making out. By the time you’ve left it, you should be sleeping with her.
– Look for her to start getting really invested and really vulnerable with you. Women really do love sex, but there’s not a woman alive who doesn’t feel a little vulnerable hooking up with a new guy. Respect her vulnerability, but keep the vibe fun and upbeat. There’s plenty of time to be emotionally intimate with her later.
Anyway that’s enough verbiage. Discuss!