Is this ok after establishing rapport? Too forward? Too cocky?
Better way to frame this?
I have to say style gets you attention. I’m going to start taking it a lot more seriously now. I went punk and it get’s me attention. Ripped jeans, denim jacket with labels, and a colorful shirt. It’s all about how you dress. I’m 5’10 at 165lbs. I use to wear close that just fit and nothing that stood out. I dressed classy though and still got approach signals. If you want certain type of girl dress a certain way.
Quick background, hooked up with this friend of mine I’ve known for a few years a couple times few months ago, but told her I was not looking for anything serious. I later changed my mind, but she started to softly reject my advances. I learned she started seeing someone right around that time which is totally fair. We were just FWBs and she was looking for more and I didn’t want to at the time. Let me preface this with saying that yes I’ve been seeing other girls since.
She confided in me (she hasn’t really told many people, even her close friends) that she accidently got pregnant by the new guy and miscarried. This has been emotionally devastating for her. She told the guy about it, and now he has mostly been ignoring her.
I’ve seen her a few times since she is a friend of mine, and she’s been an emotional mess. Crying often, etc. She’s clearly going through a very hard time. I’m still interested in her, but I’m pushing those feelings aside to be there for her as a friend since this is really difficult to deal with and she hasn’t really told anyone else. She’s upset about the miscarriage but also upset about the new guy just abandoning her completely and leaving her to deal on her own.
My question is, am I completely blowing my chances by being there for her as a friend? Should I just keep doing it anyway (yes I am seeing other girls but would like to rekindle this down the road if possible). Right now I feel like being there is more important than my own feelings but not sure the best way to handle.
TLDR: Talent show, was confident, talked to lots of people, actively gamed girl but I chose not to make a move on purpose, got fairly exclusive (i think) invite to after after party, had a great time and I’m really happy with all my decisions and how I acted that night. I was the kind of confident I’ve always wanted to be and the kind of person you see killing the game at parties.
Hey, i’ll preface this with the fact this will be a long post, and part of why I’m posting here is because the entire night was pretty surreal and I just want to write out the events and keep a copy here.
This was saturday night, having not drunk in a couple months I was excited to get hammered. I want to note that I was not getting drunk because i needed it to be social, I’m confident in my social skills sober, I just wanted to get drunk because it would help me get my mind off things other than tonight, all the stress from university and job finding, etc. it would help me forget that and live in the moment. Which it did, it was fantastic. There was a college talent show, and being a talented person you already know I was going to do a little magic show on stage for everyone. So after the predrinks, which ended with a shot of absinthe (god damn that stuff is S T R O N G), we head over to the venue. I say hi to friends I see there, and head over backstage and do some more shots with the other performers and am just having a dandy old time. Its almost my turn to perform, so I head up to the side of the stage ready to walk in. I perform. My performance went good (if you’re wondering) and I walk off and I see this cute stage hand, I go and talk to her say hi and something else can’t entirely remember but she thought I asked where she’s from so i went with it
“I’m from _______”
“oh cool me too, hey I’m gonna go sit down but nice meeting you”
and thats basically how it ended because i did want to watch the rest of the show, it was really fun.
At some point I got messages from some of my homies not at the show and saw some pictures of me on stage on someones story, note my entire act name was my insta handle and i ended it with telling the audience to “follow me on ig, and dont worry i follow back”, and smiled and laughed everyone loved it and i got a bunch of followers. So when i saw these pics, and someone sent me a link to the story (but i couldn’t see it cuz it was private) and i realized this girls not following me i get a little cheesed. Like you have me on your story, I tell everyone to follow me, and you don’t follow me. smh not cool. So i ask around and one of my friends is her friends and as I first asked her if she knew this person (a little weird, i legit walked around asking some friends who i thought might know her if they knew her by showing them her ig profile that WAS NOT FOLLOWING ME SMH). and this girl is like yeah, isnt she cute? insert big smile. Im just like yeah umm i dont know i dont know her. Anyways she later introduces me, i explain that i wanna see the video of myself cuz i want to see if i looked as cool as i thought i did and how a mutual friend sent me the story but i cant see it because shes private. So i secure the follow see the video, i am just as awesome as i thought i was. Oh yeah and when my friend introduced me, she said again, infront of her, “isnt she cute” big smile, again. I was thinking, damn girl why u making it awkward, but i smiled was like yeah haha anyways… and then explained my story. This boosted me even more because it was as though im the prize here, and she wants me to like her friend, not the other way around. And even in the moment i thought it was weird but i was like damn she really out here trying.
Fast forward to the end of the show, the after party is about a block away so everyone just walks there and I’m about ready to leave. I meet this girl who wanted to hook up last year but due to logistics it didnt work and she got a boyfriend about a month later so nothing happened. I saw her today fairly drunk and alone, so like every good samaritan I was curious if she broke up with her boyfriend and was ready to console her. So I went up and started talking to her, she says we should go to the after party, links arms with me and we start walking. I’m thinking, damn you got this, but is she single or no? As we leave the venue it is freezing. Its like -30 and I realize I left my jacket inside. So I pull my arm apart let her know I have to get my jacket and to just meet me at the after party, her expression changed from a smile to a slight, “hmm okay ;/” So I go get my jacket, and walk to the after party alone and was still happy feeling great. I meet her there, start talking to her, casually ask where the boyfriend is, she’s like hes not here but she is still in a relationship, I replied oh cool thats awesome, and just dipped cuz you already know im not tryna make more friends.
At the after party I met a bunch of new people and I was just bouncing around a couple different groups saying Hi and dancing and taking a break to just talk. It was fantastic. I honestly felt like the cool guy everyone is friends with, and for the people who aren’t friends with that cool guy, they WANT to be friends with him. Cuz hes the cool guy. Thats how i feel looking back, in the moment I was just trying to meet new people because they seemed interesting and I wanted to talk and just be me. I’m really proud of all this because this is the kind of person I’ve been working to become for the past 2 years and I finally have a good self image, and looking back at saturday night I honestly think I was the ideal me (in terms of personality, still want to work out and change a bunch of “shallow”er things about myself – looks, get a job, etc.).
I meet stage hand girl at the after party alongside some of her friends. I go and talk to them all like hey whats up blah blah the usual. And then as I’m talking to her I get closer and closer to the point where my hand is on her back, and we’re just talking into each others ears real close (imagine any party where you see one dude gaming a girl and is just about to close the deal – thats basically how it seemed to me in the moment so I knew I was doing something right). And as we were talking and i got to know her I found out she was actually really cool which is a huge plus. And as we’re talking I found out that shes also much older (8 years older). I brush this off with jokes like haha wow youre so old im such a baby (I’m at the prime age of 21). But even when I heard this I was like hmmm what do i do, like if she down to just hook up so am i but like what hmmm. I stay in set and just keep talking staying real close but I dont make a move or isolate because im honestly a little shook not entirely sure what the play is.
This guy I met at the after party, really cool guy, comes and tells me they about to leave and heading back to his place for the after after party and I should come through. At this point I had a decision, i go with him and chill probably (almost definitely) not getting any pussy or I stick around the after party hit on other drunk and hot girls and most likely get pussy. I realized I have my priorities straight. I tell him yeah man just hmu when the taxi’s get here. I found out that stage hand girl and her friends are all good friends with cool guy, and we all heading to the after party. Two taxi’s come, Stage hand girl gets into the other one. I get some quality time with her friends. In the taxi ride we were talking and some how she came up and I was completely honest – like anyone who saw me and her there knew something was up these people aren’t blind – and i was like damn she cute but uhh shes older hmm. And her friends basically told me that I’m one of the few guys they seen her be so interested in and basically said she real into me. If age isn’t an issue I should ask her out on a proper date, now I feel this threw me off even more because I’m not trying to be in a relationship here and age is an issue for me there. Looking back this is one of the reasons why i disregarded the idea of trying to just hook up with her because I assumed she didn’t want that, but (hind sight 20/20) stage hand never made it apparent that she isnt trying to hook up and I never gave her a chance because I got this idea that she doesn’t from her friends. But oh well. I also found out in the taxi ride that the stage hand’s friend I’m talking to right now wanted to invite her other friend (random dude not in the story) to the after party too but turns out cool guy said the only mans whos invited (and not already part of the crew) was me. I heard this and I was like, man I am doing something right i love it. I met this guy today, hes pretty cool, he thinks im pretty cool, invited me to his place for the after after party and apparently its pretty exclusive cuz no other outsider got the invite, not even by connections. DAMN. you already know im feeling even better now.
So we go to the after party and smoke hookah and chill and have a great time, and then around 4 am ish the girls all leave ask if i want a ride home I’m like nah ill stay with the guys and chill, say goodbye, and go back then the guys bring out some “white powder” asked if I want to or nah (they being polite, i respeck that) and we do “lines” of said “powder”. First time for me, didnt really feel much different (might be due to the copious amounts of liquor already in my system not sure). Had a great time just chatting with the guys, talked about life, one of stage hand’s male friends who was there – who was a total white knight and thats the only part of his personality i wasn’t a fan of, saw it in some other situations throughout the night – is like if you like her and age isn’t an issue ask her out and date her but otherwise don’t play with her heart like thats not cool. And this all makes sense, but at the same time I’m thinking what if age is an issue for her and she don’t wanna date like why we all assumin she not cool to hook up. She didn’t say that + age could be an issue for her, but i didnt wanna ruin the mood so i just agreed and smiled, and it was a great night.
Thanks for reading this, honestly it was an eventful night, slept around 8:30 am. Woke up at noon got picked up and went home. Told some friends, felt depressed on the come down, but kept thinking like whats wrong with me last night was the best night of my life straight up why am i feeling like this… realized it was due to the “white powder” just dealt with it and well here i am now. I hope you guys enjoyed this wild ride as much as i did.
EDIT: added the insta story, forgot about that.
EDIT 2: spelling / grammar errors
there are 2 things i don’t get.
i often read that guys should date as much woman as they can and shouldn’t be orientated on results. i for myself understand that you shouldn’t be orientated on results, when you go out with your friends. just have fun. BUT as soon as i had a few dates with a person i start to think how this person fits into my life. and this is of course a personal thing but, it doesn’t benefit my life to have 3 or 4 fuck buddies around. so either it seems like we can have something serious (which is my goal) or not. but then i dump this person (which contradicts this whole “fuck everything” advise) and use my time for either getting to know new people or working out, hobbies and so on.
is there something i don’t get in these 2 statements?