I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?


Hi guys. I’m hoping this post helps both me and any of you in the same situation. That’s why I’ve decided to add all these details.

I must have cold approached at least 1000 girls by this point. I’ve gotten into several relationships (shorter- and longer-term) and lots of lays (about 120) in the past with cold approaches, but I suspect much of it was attributed to my decent looks and youthful energy/charm. As I’ve reached 32 years old, however, I find things aren’t as consistent as they used to be, despite me being the most driven I’ve ever been, in the best shape of my life, and the most interesting, confident and best overall person I’ve ever been.

Some advice I got from the Good Looking Loser (website) a long time ago was:
Step 1. Look as good as you can
Step 2. Talk to girls
That’s basically what I’ve been doing my entire life and it really helped me simplify my approach to game. It kind of permitted me to NOT game, if that makes sense. I just talked like a normal person. It worked really well, till now. I’ve always been much more inclined to do “direct/normal/natural game” rather than “game game” (you know what I mean?). Example of a typical approach: “Hi. I saw you from across the room/street/venue and you look nice. I’m Max. Are you single?” I’ve done this so many times that even hard rejections are as emotionally tough to deal with as doing dishes. Fear of rejection = practically zero. In fact, I’m at the point now that some rejections are positively relieving, because at least then I won’t be walking around the rest of the day wondering if that girl was my soulmate or whatever.

About a month ago, after I realized how poorly I’ve been doing the past half year, I decided to make a tally of girls I’ve asked out. After every approach, I write down if the result was “no/not single” or “yes/gave number”. Then I have to wait for a few days or a week to see if the “yes” girls followed through with a date. The current tally so far is 40 girls asked out: 30 “no” and 10 “yes” but only 4 of the “yes” girls went on a date with me. This made me realize that my text game must be abysmal, and/or the initial interaction was off on my end. Maybe not enough rapport in the initial convo, I don’t know, I’ve always been bad with external game (or as most people call it, “game”).

I must mention that I’m aware 40 approaches in 1 month might be very low if you’re going with the “approach every girl you see” method, but I only approach girls I’m genuinely very attracted to and I’m pretty much done with approach anxiety, so I don’t need the practice anymore.

I must stress that in most of the interactions with girls who initially said yes to number/date, then later flaked/ghosted on me, they were VERY enthusiastic and attracted in person. I’m certain of this because of my experience and their obvious interest and flirting. No doubt about it whatsoever. Some of these girls were practically jumping with joy (it was mutual). Then something happens between that brief interaction and the text conversation that I can’t pinpoint. And here I am on reddit because I don’t want to repeat the exact same action/process over and over again my whole life expecting different results. I have to adapt and improve.

There’s a reason I wrote my notch number. 120 is a pretty big number to most guys, yes, I’m aware of that. But I’m starting to realize that I relied on my decent looks and optimistic/youthful energy my whole life without working on actual inner game or outer game as much. I’ve especially neglected outer game because most outer game seemed too robotic and inorganic but I’m finally open to begin practicing actual game so long as it doesn’t involve deceit or manipulation or any of that weird “look at my hand, now imagine it’s a cube, now imagine a horse OK NOW LOOK I HAVE A DICK!” kind of thing.


My basic question is this. If overcoming approach anxiety is the first major step to achieve in seduction, then when one has overcome approach anxiety, what is the next direct step after that? Step TWO (of the never-ending learning process)? I want to view this as a linear path or progression, if you will.


TL;DR: Used to be a motherfuckin pimp lol not really but my notch number is higher than the average guy despite not having much actual game skills or social aptitude (extremely clumsy and often lucky game).

I feel as though I’ve finally and completely overcome approach anxiety.

I’m having trouble closing dates from cold approaches lately despite being the best person I’ve ever been and getting very good initial attraction and phone text message engagement.

Regretting not practicing actual (outer) game many years ago.

Wondering what the next direct step is in this journey after overcoming approach anxiety.


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10 thoughts on “I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?”

  1. Okay, so I’ll start by saying I envy you your lay count. Just wanted to clarify one thing: outer game does not have to be scripted, “outer game” is just a shorter way of saying “this is what you do and say to a chick that you’re chatting up”. Look up guys like Paul Janka or 60 Years Of Challenge if you want natural outer game.

  2. Read “Oooooh say it again” by Alan Roger Currie. It’s real, direct, authentic game. No deceit not tricks no gimmicks. The catch is it takes some deep understanding, practice and huge fucking balls. 99% of guys on this sub will not do it out of fear and find excuses and explanations as to why it’s “bad game” and then go back to their manipulative games. You seem like a genuine guy who has had a fair amount of success and you want to be honest but still get laid a lot so I recommend you that book.

  3. 1. Have you really overcome it? Be fully honest with yourself. 40 a month is a VERY low number, I can do more in a single night. Self honesty is the key to authentic growth. Even the best instructors in the game have some approach anxiety at times, just that they always beat it, so I doubt you have absolutely zero. Not letting AA stop or effect you though, is another thing. Owen says it took him 15 years of constantly going out to get no AA. Personally I have some AA start of the night, but after a few openings it fades away.

    2. Get their instagram, much better follow up rate. Then either book a fast date or get their number, and CALL them. Callback humor to something you said during your initial meeting, then say you want to see her again, and say that you can do X or Y.

    3. Your perception of game is flawed. Outer game is really only just about teasing and being physical, not some gimicky bullshit. Read some modern material.

    4. Practice #3, aka being physical, flirty and teaseful. Always challenge your comfort zone, what makes you uncomfortable now? Go do it.

    Best luck.

  4. Can you provide a location breakdown of which type of venue you approach these 40 women a month? I.e 10 in the mall, 8 coffee shop on sundays, 7 walking down the street etc

  5. That’s a lot of lays, someone has been going out a lot ma boi.

    You may want to describe your text game a bit more in order to receive feedback.

    I believe the next step is to balance correctly attraction and comfort while escalating and leading the conversation.

    Seems like there’s a problem there if your positive number closes don’t translate into dates.

  6. Couple things. 1. Your sex drive might be way lower which lowers their sex drive and motivation to see you. You also might subtly have such a low sex drive that you have low energy when you text and so they get anxious if the date will even be fun or not and end up flaking. 2. 40 approaches in one month is maybe not a lot when you’re younger and in college but definitely a lot once you’re out of college. Your attention might be so dramatically spread that your authenticity within the conversations has turned robotic, especially since you’re starting to become interested in outer game – this hints at the fact that you are naturally starting to rely less on your authentic charm, and more on the process. Not good. 3. Maybe you are in denial that you have lost your charm and need to gain it back.

    I have had sex with 56 women and I’m 23. My sex drive since last year has drastically dropped and so has the rate of my count, which I’m glad about I really just want to settle down these days. Anyway I lost my charm for a bit but gained it back by tapping back into my ego-self and letting it take over for some time again, it’s easy to do once you acknowledge it. I am now providing my advice on YouTube and my perspective is actually very similar to that of your own. You might enjoy watching my videos to gain back your natural charm without risking becoming an outer game robot. My first video is the most important and the most popular, but my series on flirting (with a lot of research backing it) packs the biggest punch and change in perspective:

    [All Girls Poop: Natural Confidence Mindset](https://youtu.be/Gsnwym2r408)

  7. 32 is just starting to come into your own and everything should be easier, your problem is that young bucks are more easily forgiven for rough awkwardness, more mature guys a high social sophistication and self-confidence is mandatory. Slow down, and screen more, you *should* have something to lose, and it should show. At this point it should be almost easier to pull a threesome than a one-night-stand.

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