[FR] Got sex. It didn’t fix me guys.

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This is just a little post to share a few things I’ve learned in the last month.

Girl 1) tinder date. The mindset I had going into it was “get the sex”. I just wanted the validation. And while she was nice and fun and, to be frank, obviously a bit slutty, it took me until we were both butt naked at her place to realise I was just not attracted to her. She looked alright with clothes on, and had a nice smile and she was kinda forward which turned me on, but once we got down to business, I couldn’t get it up. She was just not even slightly my type. Did the whole “it’s not you it’s me” routine, did my best to get her off (she can only get off with toys, tut tut) and left.

Lesson: not worth lowering your standards for sex. You think it’ll give you a confidence boost, but it might just do the opposite.

Girl 2) Someone I met at a bar. I found her ID then recognised her from it and gave it to her. Easy open, and I’m happy to say I didn’t waste it. Got the number. Took it “slow” for the first time (I have a streak of fucking on the day I’ve met a girl) (out of necessity, she had work in the morning) so I managed to set up a good third date with perfect logistics. Gotta say, the build up to that date, where we both knew what was gonna happen after, was fucking exciting. Didn’t think of anything else sexually for the whole week. We had a good date, good sex in a hotel room and… I’ve pretty much lost all interest in her. I’m not sure if I’m just an asshole or not, but I barely brought myself to text her a few days after. I guess it’s a case of being blinded by my attraction for her that I didn’t realise how boring I found her company. In the following week, I’ve found that getting a satisfying ONS has not done anything to improve my mood or better me as a person. Not that I consciously thought it would.

Lesson: sex won’t solve your problems, and if you feel like it will when going in, you’ll just feel shit afterwards. Also learned once again that’s it’s fucking hard to say no to “you don’t need a condom I’m on the pill”. Sigh.

The big positive from this experience is that I seem to have lost a lot of the “MUST GET SEX” drive that was pushing me into pursuing girls below my own standards. I feel less desperate and less rushed to be having lots of sex, at the expense of logic.

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44 thoughts on “[FR] Got sex. It didn’t fix me guys.”

  1. Great post just today I was beating myself up for not having had enough sex. A lot of guys here including myself are seeking sex and validation from women as a means to make them feel better about themselves and their lives. I havent gotten as far as the consistently sleeping with women part but it reassuring to know that not having sex isn’t the end of the world. A lot of people on this thread need to hear this

  2. I feel you bro, I had the same thing happening to me last week. I had lowered my standards just for sex.. and I felt guilty and frustrated afterwards

  3. really surprised finding this post today, yesterday I had sex for the first time (21/M) with a really pretty girl I met only twice, while she was really sweet with me still I didn’t had any feelings for her at all, the whole time I just didn’t felt a thing, it was so empty, I always imagined sex to be a really amazing feeling but actually I felt like an animal, doing only natural things because she told me as a V I was really good, we did a lot of things, it was cool, we kissed a lot, I liked that way more, but after a while I was just not hard, like you said too, I guess maybe I was stressed ? or just not interested ? or we drank some wine ? who knows … but it was nice reading this, I always though sex gonna fix me, no it’s not

  4. I believe this is called ‘Maturing’

    Sex is like water, if you’re not getting any you (feel like) will die without it, but once you’re getting it you realise it doesn’t fulfil your hunger for life.

    After my teens to early 20’s I realised sex isn’t a medal of honour, it’s a choice from a woman… any woman, from beautiful to ugly, smart to stupid. You only can see this after sex tho, she didn’t usher you into the pearly gates of manhallah that we feel sex is, she just allowed you to put your dick in her. Lol

    Having sex with a woman you admire, respect, interested in and find beautiful is what we need to put our efforts into. Because this woman may not see you how you want her too, as for random women, I think it’s a waste of energy.

  5. That’s the way it goes man. I used to have that mindset and it worked for awhile until I noticed I was slowing sliding down the scale. One day I had this nasty bitch in my bed that was gross as fuck and I was wondering wtf happened. I had to watch all 3 star wars movies in a row to recover. Now I get laid WAY less but I dont feel bad after which is kind of the whole point, keep your standards up.

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    – [/r/trufemcels] [proof we were right all along, ladies 😉 – link to another subreddit 😉 – [FR] Got sex. It didn’t fix me guys.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Trufemcels/comments/bsekpp/proof_we_were_right_all_along_ladies_link_to/)

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  7. I’ve known my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years, we’ve lived together about a year and a half. We’ve only started dating back in February but we been having sex with one another since July 2018. Sex when we were just roommates was much better than sex as a couple. Back then I’d finish, clean up, and be ready to go again being able to make her orgasm. Now I’d finish and I can’t get back up leaving her unsatisfied. I also lasted longer before. Don’t get me wrong I find her attractive to this day, I love her company, but the sex isn’t the same.

  8. Just my personal take:
    1) While sex is fun, you’re really looking for a connection. If casual sex is good for anything else, it’s obfuscating connection. Sure you might think you’re connected to them during sex, because in a crude literal sense you sort of are, but if there’s nothing else going on between you then you’re inevitably going to feel dissatisfied, even empty. It sounds like you’ve already made that realisation.
    2) Unless you literally just saw her take her birth control pill, always use a condom. You’re life will be way less complicated that way. I lived with my ex-girlfriend for 5 years and used a condom every time. Why? Because I don’t want kids.
    I don’t believe “women want to trap men into having a baby” but biology is a thing.
    3) Ask yourself: “Are the women boring, or am I boring?” If sex has been your only means of establishing a connection up until now it’s entirely possible.
    4) Exercise. I really can’t stress this enough. Among the thousand other benefits it’s excellent at managing sex drive. At least in my own experience.

  9. Sex is better than no sex. In my experience being sex starved corrupts your soul and turns you into a demon. Obviously bad sex is bad, but you get to learn.

  10. That’s how I feel when I smash girls who aren’t that attractive to me. Know your standards and go for them. You should generally be feeling good after having sex.

  11. Getting sex is easier than getting other achievements. Sex is both an achievement and an entertainment, nothing less, nothing more. But what is more important, to feel yourself self-sufficient. This book “Power Of Now” can give a better understanding of what people really want.

  12. This, you do it not because you love them, but because you want to get something for yourself, and what to feel validated.
    Basically if you approach with the wrong mindset… Guess what, that’s what you get, an even deeper void.

  13. Are you direct or indirect?

    There is a tendency for indirect guys to get depression and shit from hooking-up with girls. I guess the guilt of kind of being vague and misleading sinks in with time.

    So are you upfront and straightforward with your intentions to fuck the girl in a non-monagomous way or are you hiding your intentions until you have already slept with a girl?

  14. You shouldn’t call women “obviously slutty” when you later admit you”have a streak of fucking on the day I meet a girl ”

    Do you not see the irony there? If anything, you’re both slutty.

  15. Just having sex for the sake of sex or validating yourself sucks worse than simply jacking off and going for what you want in life. Really, I also learned this lesson the hard way. But it’s a lesson we all have to learn.

  16. Scenario 1 happened to me recently and I’ve never felt more deterred from ‘validation sex’. If anything it’s made me want to chase girls that I’m genuinely interested in

  17. bro let me tell you, the must get sex thing is so funny. From the ugliest (about a 6) to the hottest (about an 8.5) girls i’ve banged, I always felt the same afterwards. By the same I mean the same as before I even met the girl and if anything worse cos you realise that the sex doesn’t make you feel better.

    After you get some ONS’s under your belt with a few genuinely hot girls, you then realise that you’re chasing a phantom.

    ​

    The only truly satisfying sex I’ve ever had was with my GF. Legit bro.

    After you realise how unsatisfying casual sex is, I feel like that’s when the game gets good, cos then you make the game ITSELF the lit part.

    Now my favourite part of the game is when you say that awesome line out of no where, or lead form one step to another, or manage that crazy unlikely pull. It’s all about the game itself and the ONLY way to realise that is to get the girls first so then you really KNOW that just getting the girl really isn’t satisfying, like at all.

    BUT, there is hope, cos there is actually 1 circumstance under which casual sex can be satisfying, that’s when you have really good chemistry with the girl. By that I mean when you actually really like her personality along with her being physically attractive. Lowkey all that “personality matters” stuff is actually the most important part. and that’s a fact not some kind of woo woo rationalisation either.

  18. If I may add – I’ve been on a tear of late after me and my ex broke up Jan 5, 2019. I don’t sleep with ugly chicks, but since Jan 1 I’ve been with 12 hot girls. Three more to close very soon (due to me or the girl traveling). Initially the streak was great and the sex satisfying. Then a bunch of so so chicks in bed left me questioning the point of this endless hooking up. The most recent girl however is into tantra sex and that just blew my mind (she’s a 5’ 10” brunette smoke show from Austin). It’s like eating at a bunch of mediocre restaurants and then at a 3 star Michelin restaurant. She’s also kinda hippy and spiritual which I vibe well with. After sleeping with her, I was glad to be single again. Seeing her again tonight for my second night with her. So my advice is keep looking. You’ll know the ones who will be enthusiastic by the way they kiss. This one kisses exceptionally well.

  19. Sex isn’t something you “get”. It is something you share. While I fully understand the mentality of “getting sex”. it isn’t the best way mentality to have.

    > In the following week, I’ve found that getting a satisfying ONS has not done anything to improve my mood or better me as a person. Not that I consciously thought it would.

    You might also want to check out /r/selfesteem too.

  20. That’s because you conflated sex with love. You want to be loved, not laid. So now that you’ve realized you want emotional intimacy and not physical it’s time to get out there and find a woman you want to actually spend time with.

  21. To me, it sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Yes, **now** you need something more. Something a bit more fulfilling and meaningful than ONS and “just sex”. A chance to be a better person and feel better about yourself. But would you have reached this state if you had not gone through these experiences already? So, maybe you did become a tiny bit of a better person after all. I see no point pondering over the past. You wanted something, you went for it and you got it (maybe these girls wanted just the same thing from you). And not only that, but you also got valuable lessons and a chance to do some meaningful introspection in the end.

  22. Relax. It seems like what happened is that you were placing a lot of importance on “getting sex” as you put it, and you had unrealistic expectations that it would do something amazing for you. I think with time you will get more used to it, stop having such expectations, and then you won’t feel so unsatisfied from such experiences. Personally, I think the lesson you’re taking here is slightly off. It’s not so much that it’s not worth lowering your standards about the girl for sex, the more important lesson is that you should have sex without any expectations for what it’s going to do for you. Just do it because you feel like it and let it unfold however it does. Even with a girl who seems awesome, if you keep having expectations that it is going to make you feel satisfied as a person somehow, you still might feel the same way, and then what?

  23. Idk man Im a 18 year old man barely even kissed a girl and I have such high level of sexual frustration that it seriously hurt sometimes I feel like having sex will give me a piece of peace even if it is a shallow meaningless sex , at least I will feel desirable

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