This is just a little post to share a few things I’ve learned in the last month.
Girl 1) tinder date. The mindset I had going into it was “get the sex”. I just wanted the validation. And while she was nice and fun and, to be frank, obviously a bit slutty, it took me until we were both butt naked at her place to realise I was just not attracted to her. She looked alright with clothes on, and had a nice smile and she was kinda forward which turned me on, but once we got down to business, I couldn’t get it up. She was just not even slightly my type. Did the whole “it’s not you it’s me” routine, did my best to get her off (she can only get off with toys, tut tut) and left.
Lesson: not worth lowering your standards for sex. You think it’ll give you a confidence boost, but it might just do the opposite.
Girl 2) Someone I met at a bar. I found her ID then recognised her from it and gave it to her. Easy open, and I’m happy to say I didn’t waste it. Got the number. Took it “slow” for the first time (I have a streak of fucking on the day I’ve met a girl) (out of necessity, she had work in the morning) so I managed to set up a good third date with perfect logistics. Gotta say, the build up to that date, where we both knew what was gonna happen after, was fucking exciting. Didn’t think of anything else sexually for the whole week. We had a good date, good sex in a hotel room and… I’ve pretty much lost all interest in her. I’m not sure if I’m just an asshole or not, but I barely brought myself to text her a few days after. I guess it’s a case of being blinded by my attraction for her that I didn’t realise how boring I found her company. In the following week, I’ve found that getting a satisfying ONS has not done anything to improve my mood or better me as a person. Not that I consciously thought it would.
Lesson: sex won’t solve your problems, and if you feel like it will when going in, you’ll just feel shit afterwards. Also learned once again that’s it’s fucking hard to say no to “you don’t need a condom I’m on the pill”. Sigh.
The big positive from this experience is that I seem to have lost a lot of the “MUST GET SEX” drive that was pushing me into pursuing girls below my own standards. I feel less desperate and less rushed to be having lots of sex, at the expense of logic.