I’ve beaten Approach Anxiety. What’s Next?

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Hi guys. I’m hoping this post helps both me and any of you in the same situation. That’s why I’ve decided to add all these details.

I must have cold approached at least 1000 girls by this point. I’ve gotten into several relationships (shorter- and longer-term) and lots of lays (about 120) in the past with cold approaches, but I suspect much of it was attributed to my decent looks and youthful energy/charm. As I’ve reached 32 years old, however, I find things aren’t as consistent as they used to be, despite me being the most driven I’ve ever been, in the best shape of my life, and the most interesting, confident and best overall person I’ve ever been.

Some advice I got from the Good Looking Loser (website) a long time ago was:
Step 1. Look as good as you can
Step 2. Talk to girls
That’s basically what I’ve been doing my entire life and it really helped me simplify my approach to game. It kind of permitted me to NOT game, if that makes sense. I just talked like a normal person. It worked really well, till now. I’ve always been much more inclined to do “direct/normal/natural game” rather than “game game” (you know what I mean?). Example of a typical approach: “Hi. I saw you from across the room/street/venue and you look nice. I’m Max. Are you single?” I’ve done this so many times that even hard rejections are as emotionally tough to deal with as doing dishes. Fear of rejection = practically zero. In fact, I’m at the point now that some rejections are positively relieving, because at least then I won’t be walking around the rest of the day wondering if that girl was my soulmate or whatever.

About a month ago, after I realized how poorly I’ve been doing the past half year, I decided to make a tally of girls I’ve asked out. After every approach, I write down if the result was “no/not single” or “yes/gave number”. Then I have to wait for a few days or a week to see if the “yes” girls followed through with a date. The current tally so far is 40 girls asked out: 30 “no” and 10 “yes” but only 4 of the “yes” girls went on a date with me. This made me realize that my text game must be abysmal, and/or the initial interaction was off on my end. Maybe not enough rapport in the initial convo, I don’t know, I’ve always been bad with external game (or as most people call it, “game”).

I must mention that I’m aware 40 approaches in 1 month might be very low if you’re going with the “approach every girl you see” method, but I only approach girls I’m genuinely very attracted to and I’m pretty much done with approach anxiety, so I don’t need the practice anymore.

I must stress that in most of the interactions with girls who initially said yes to number/date, then later flaked/ghosted on me, they were VERY enthusiastic and attracted in person. I’m certain of this because of my experience and their obvious interest and flirting. No doubt about it whatsoever. Some of these girls were practically jumping with joy (it was mutual). Then something happens between that brief interaction and the text conversation that I can’t pinpoint. And here I am on reddit because I don’t want to repeat the exact same action/process over and over again my whole life expecting different results. I have to adapt and improve.

There’s a reason I wrote my notch number. 120 is a pretty big number to most guys, yes, I’m aware of that. But I’m starting to realize that I relied on my decent looks and optimistic/youthful energy my whole life without working on actual inner game or outer game as much. I’ve especially neglected outer game because most outer game seemed too robotic and inorganic but I’m finally open to begin practicing actual game so long as it doesn’t involve deceit or manipulation or any of that weird “look at my hand, now imagine it’s a cube, now imagine a horse OK NOW LOOK I HAVE A DICK!” kind of thing.

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My basic question is this. If overcoming approach anxiety is the first major step to achieve in seduction, then when one has overcome approach anxiety, what is the next direct step after that? Step TWO (of the never-ending learning process)? I want to view this as a linear path or progression, if you will.

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TL;DR: Used to be a motherfuckin pimp lol not really but my notch number is higher than the average guy despite not having much actual game skills or social aptitude (extremely clumsy and often lucky game).

I feel as though I’ve finally and completely overcome approach anxiety.

I’m having trouble closing dates from cold approaches lately despite being the best person I’ve ever been and getting very good initial attraction and phone text message engagement.

Regretting not practicing actual (outer) game many years ago.

Wondering what the next direct step is in this journey after overcoming approach anxiety.

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View Reddit by shithawk23View Source

What you do when a club is dead

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Should I just get blown out by every girl here or what cuz right now I can see why everyone is always drunk

And damn dude I see why routines are important I ran out shit to say after like 5 mins this shit is so different from day game

Edit I feel like I have to also mentions this is my first time going to a club and I’m not 21

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View Reddit by SpicyYeetJuiceView Source

Im still a pussy

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So im out of town hanging with my buddy in Mississippi. Im from Pennsylvania and yet I cant seem to talk to the cute girls. I can talk to random people. But good looking girls I just clam up and can even approach. Can anyone help me with this. New Orleans tomorrow I need to get some balls.

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View Reddit by Atreyu27View Source

Is it me, or is r/askreddit an excellent source for conversation topics?

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I’ve been thinking a lot for a couple of days about the dynamics of *interesting* and unconventional conversation topics and this sub seems to be a treasure chest full of it.

In addition to this, I’m also looking for a style of conversation that appears to be random and fictional – something that just keeps giving. I was talking to a gent in a previous thread where he mentioned he used to come up with fictional tales of how he was in the Bolivian Intelligence Agency and detailed his adventures in a way to both have something to talk about and make the girl laugh.

I’d also like to know an unconventional method to open a with a girl without starting with her name. I came up with up a ‘look at that couple there, how long do you think till she slaps him” and something on those lines.

Questions:

1. How do you approach a potential girl when they’re in groups?

2. When there’s a lull in the convo, I simply stare at her with a half smile. This generally goads her to come up with something. I’d like to have a proper backup- what’s yours?

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View Reddit by indian_bootyView Source

WTF, can someone Interpret this for me?

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Met her on Wechat. We met once for coffee. We had a great chat. Didn’t expect it to go anywhere, told her I wanted to see her again.

Later in the week, needed the help of a Chinese translator to help me unsub from a dating site, met her and she helped me out. I have her a little something from my garden as a thank you.

We had a great chat. She told me “We can be friends but you can’t fall in love with me”. Ummm.. Ok!

Then coming home she’s texted me 12 times in a row… Affirmations about being happy (I’m quite a happy person), different pictures of herself asking which one I like best…

WTF is this?

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View Reddit by IllustriousPepper8View Source

Nightgaming alone??

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Have any of you ever hit the night clubs by yourselves? Is it good or bad not to have a wing man and what were your results?

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View Reddit by TaeKwonPiccoloView Source

Pick something really fucking embarrassing for me to say

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So I’m doing this program called fearless and you’re supposed to make a fake phone car in front of a large group of people and embarrass the fuck out of yourself. Max picked coming out of the closet to his parents but I think that would make me laugh too much. I was thinking I could do one where I act like I got cheated on and I am the ultimate cuck. Will pick the highest rated comment.

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View Reddit by SpicyYeetJuiceView Source

How to open in bars

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So I haven’t really bar gamed in a while, but was invited to go with a friend of mine to see some of his fellow musicians perform at a bar in Miami. I’ve done so much direct daygame, but I know doing the, hey I know this is random but, thing won’t really work in a bar?

My plan is just to be super present and have a good time. But if a girl catches my eye, how should I approach? I’m thinking of just looking at her until we lock eyes and just wait for an AI approach invitation, a smile or something, then just go and introduce myself.

Any advice?

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View Reddit by agonzaleView Source

Experience confessing to a girl from your social circle

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I need to gauge if it‘s worth taking the risk. I‘m fucking shit at reading signals but my boys tell me there might be interest on her side (which I assume they tell me because they are my boys).

She send me a text today confirming the gathering of our social circle for tomorrow. Which she could have done in our WhatsApp friend group. Alone on this my best friend told me to just all-in soon.

I‘m pretty into her but I‘m not sure she noticed that, because again, I‘m so shit at reading signals.

We keep in contact over Snapchat and she sends me selfies regularily, which I‘m the only boy in the social circle she sends them to I‘m pretty sure.

So only going by this, would you guys says it‘s worth trying this? I live in Germany and we are in our early twenties.

I need your advice on this topic urgently AND BE BRUTALLY HONEST!

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View Reddit by Unsure96View Source

Where do I daygame?

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I’m currently home from college for the summer and I want to go out and meet a bunch of people but i’m not 21, so I cant go to the bars, and there isn’t much to do in my town that would result in meeting people regularly? For the people who had this problem what were some of your solutions?

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View Reddit by offinthewoods10View Source